Page 48 of The Forever Christmas Tree

“What are you griping about now?” Laura asked.

Be nice, Ethan. Remember, that’s your new mantra. Niceness. “What is all this stuff? A parade with floats and antique cars. What floats? Who’s doing all this work? And the only antique car I know of in Bell Cove is Sam Wheeler’s rusted-out Camaro, but that hardly qualifies as a vintage worthy of a parade.

“And, holy hell! A grinch crowning at the Whoville dance. What dance? What crown?

“And TV coverage of all Bell Cove events, with a live mic next to the Nativity scene in the gazebo. The rest of the world is taking down Nativity scenes to be politically correct, and we’re going to start one?”

He looked at Laura and she just smiled. “All that and more, sweetie! It’ll be great fun.”

Yeah, just swell.

“By the way, Ethan, you’re gritting your teeth.”

He bared his teeth at her to show he wasn’t actually gritting.

She just laughed.

Being nice is harder than it looks, he decided. “Look, I’m all for raising funds for a good cause, and even for promoting the town to increase business, within some limitations. I don’t even care if it’s hokey as hell. But this is all happening too fast without any planning or regard for efficiency. It feels like you’re throwing a wad of pasta against the wall to see what sticks and what just makes an ungodly mess all over the floor.”

“What about pasta?” Tony asked from Ethan’s other side. “Did you hear about the green pasta we’re serving on Snarky Sunday?”

“I’m offering a special on Reuben’s Great Masterpiece sandwiches at The Deli on Snarky Sunday,” Abe interjected. “I ordered in forty pounds of fresh sauerkraut. Sure hope we get the crowds we expect, or I’m gonna be stuck.”

Sally Dawson from the bakery, Jeremy Mateer from The Cove general store, Frank Baxter from Hard Knocks, and Doreen from Happy Feet Emporium all mentioned their special efforts related to the grinch contest.

And apparently his grandmother had offered to sell something called Whoville Mistletoe Balls.

He didn’t want to think about the connotation that might be put on those offerings. “Kiss My Balls” came immediately to his cynical mind, but that’s what happened when a person tried too hard to be nice. It wasn’t natural.

On and on the festive suggestions went.

And all that time, he kept thinking, Screw my brains out.

When the meeting was finally over, he had a world-class headache, and it was only eleven a.m.

“Are you coming to The Bell party tonight?” Laura asked as he stood, gathering up the paperwork, so he could leave and pick up Cassie at her children’s choir practice. Well, actually, he had another hour yet. Maybe he’d go out to the lot and check out those balls.

“I don’t think so.” Forget about going to the lot. He just wanted to go home and think about, Screw my brains out.

“Gabe will be really disappointed.”

“Huh? Why would Gabe care if I attend your newspaper party?”

“Because we’re holding it at his house?”

Ethan plopped back down into his chair and just stared at her. “When did all this happen?”

“If you’d stop skipping special meetings of council, you’d be better informed.” She smirked at him.

He just stared her down until she gave in and explained, “I talked Gabe into letting us rent his house for our annual party. Plus, he’s letting us run a few tours of the old place over the next few days to raise more funds for our community redevelopment fund. It’s where the grinch crowning and dance will be held, too. I convinced him that all these things would show his goodwill toward Bell Cove and, in return, the house will be cleaned up a bit to show to Realtors if he still decides to sell.”

“I’d like to have been a bee on the wall when all this convincing was taking place,” he remarked.

She smacked his arm and said, “Get your mind out of the gutter.”

The gutter was right. Screw my brains out.

“So, are you coming?”