Page 46 of The Forever Christmas Tree

“Sometimes. They look to Olympic and college athletes who excel in skills that would do well in their programs. In my case, swimming and diving. I was still doing that on a competitive level.”

“Yeah, I know. Flipper.”

“Where’d you hear that?”

“Your friend, JAM. Met him in the bookstore earlier.”

She considered asking what else JAM disclosed but set that question aside for now. “At the time WEALS came shopping, I was undecided about what direction I wanted to head next, and a friend of mine was trying out.” She shrugged.

“And you like it?”

“Most of the time.”

He cocked his head to the side and studied her face.

“We lost a teammate recently. A suicide bomber in Baghdad.”

He squeezed her hand and stopped to stare at her. “Now, see, that’s what I’m having a hard time accepting. I’m the reason . . . my stupidity . . . is the reason you’re in such a dangerous line of work. What a fucking nightmare! How do you think I’d feel if you had been the one at the receiving end of that explosive?”

“Not as bad as I would be feeling,” she joked.

“Not funny, Wendy. Not funny at all.”

“Take it down a notch, Ethan. What you did was stupid, and it’s all on you, but what I did from then on was my choice, my responsibility, not yours.”

“Sorry,” he said.

“Me, too,” she said.

At the same time, he dropped her hand and used a finger to trace the scar that ran from her ear to her windpipe. It was barely noticeable anymore. Hardly anyone mentioned it, but he had apparently been more observant than most folks. “Did you get this in action?” he asked in a voice husky with emotion.

“I did. No biggie!” Although, yes, it had been a big deal at the time.

He motioned with his head for them to resume walking, but instead of taking back her hand, he tucked both of his into his parka pockets. It was for the best that he kept his distance, she realized. She’d been liking his hand-holding too much.

“So, are you happy?” he asked.

“Yes, mostly. And you?”

Instead of answering directly, he said, “My little girl is the best thing that ever happened to me. She makes up for any regrets I might have ever had.”

Wendy felt a twinge of hurt at his words. Time was, she was the best thing that had ever happened to him. How pathetic was that of her! Jealous of a little kid!

They’d arrived back to where they’d started, and the sky seemed suddenly overcast. To her surprise, snowflakes began to fall softly. Big fluffy puffs of white that would dissolve on hitting the ground, but were so beautiful in the air. She raised her face upward, then smiled at Ethan, as they both said, “Fairy snow!” It was a name they’d given this kind of phenomenon as kids. Another shared memory.

“So, is this how closure looks?” she asked him, as they stepped onto the short wooden stairway leading to the parking area. She opened the door to her car but didn’t get in yet.

He leaned against the back door and stared at her. “I don’t know. Here’s the kicker, and I know I shouldn’t tell you this, but what the hell! My little girl told me something yesterday that knocked me for a loop. Her mother apparently advised her that when she grew up she should never settle for anything less than a ‘Wendy kind of love.’ It was one of a bunch of life lessons Beth Anne wanted to impress on Cassie before she passed on. They’re all recorded in a diary.”

“Oh, Ethan! I’m not even sure what that means.” But she did. In her own way, she’d been holding up an impossible threshold for all the men she met, waiting for an “Ethan kind of love.”

“I thought I hid my bitterness from Beth Anne all those years. I thought I loved her, in a way. I certainly wasn’t the walking wounded, as far as I know.”

“Oh, poor Beth Anne!”

“I don’t like the bitterness that seemed to consume me since you sashayed back into town. At least, I thought that’s when it started, but now I know it must have been festering under the surface for twelve damn years.”

She didn’t like the sound of that “sashayed,” as if he was judging her, but she picked her battles and asked, “And so you sought closure with this meeting today? Is the bitterness gone now?”