Page 18 of Good Vampires Go to Heaven

“Why don’t we just teletransport from here?” Regina asked.

Yeah. Good idea! Let’s do it. But wait. Teletransport where? Oh, damn, but my head hurts, and my ribs, and my cock in its barbed wire condom where it keeps bouncing against Beau’s back. I want to kill somebody. I really do. Maybe myself.

“No, no, no! No teletransport inside the castle,” Grimelda said. “I just found out, that new Lucipire . . . Gordon the Geek . . . set up a radar system for detecting every single teletransport into and out of Horror.”

That’s something new. Like a speed trap for escapees. Good, if you’re a demon, to have such security, but not so good for those wanting to skip the joint. Like us. Uh-oh! We’re going to get caught. Oh, hell! Oh, damn! Oh, shit! We’re definitely going to . . .

They were on the move again. This time down another corridor. Bounce, bounce, bounce. Pain, pain, pain. Yak, yak, yak.

“Where’s Patience, by the way?” Regina asked.

“Outside,” Grimelda answered as she huffed along trying to keep up with Beau and Regina. “Blowin’ up the balloon.”

“Cool!” Beau said.

“What balloon?” Regina asked.

“Hot air balloon,” Grimelda answered. “We got to get out of the radar, dearie.”

“In a balloon?” Regina almost shrieked.

“What? You thinkin’ we could all fly out on brooms?” Grimelda snarked. “We could have tried snowmobiles, but they make so much noise.”

“Oh, Ah always want to go on a ski mobile,” Beau said, clearly disappointed.

“Well, we ain’t got no ski mobiles. We got a big balloon from the North Pole where Santa was savin’ it for an emergency. Ha, ha, ha.”

Regina rolled her eyes. “Are you people nuts?”

Zeb decided that he concurred with her sentiment and let his head drop to rest his cheek against Beau’s shoulder.

“Wait! Don’t fall asleep now. You need to direct us to your island,” Regina shouted into his ear. Which gave him an earache, on top of his headache, on top of his rib ache, on top of heartache, on top of . . .

Zeb happily succumbed to delicious oblivion. Hopefully, when he awakened next time, this would all have been a dream.

Up, up, and away! . . .

Regina was high above the Norselands, drifting away from Horror Castle. Joy, Joy! Yes, she was accompanied by three wacko witch demon vampires, and one high haakai demon (that would be Zeb), but at least they were beyond the range of the geek Lucipire’s teletransport radar. Hopefully.

Of course, Jasper might very well launch a rocket or something at any moment, popping the balloon. But Regina chose to remain optimistic. No popping of her personal Pollyanna balloon.

The good thing in this latest step of what could only be called Regina’s Great Adventure was that the hot air balloon had already been inflated. Apparently, a mission to capture some dire sinners in Denmark the day before had involved hot air balloon enthusiasts, and the Lucipire captors had yet to deflate the balloon.

The bad thing was that Regina and her gang didn’t know diddly squat about steering an airborne wicker basket.

But wait. Regina was determined to remain positive.

Okay, another good thing was that Zeb remained unconscious.

On the other hand, that damned negative side of her brain disagreed, reminding her that they needed to wake him soon so he could direct them to his Caribbean island, via teletransport.

Assuming they could teletransport that distance. Five at a time!

After landing the balloon first so their launch was from firm ground.

Piece of cake!

Oh, boy!