Page 125 of Reckless

Like if I make enough noise, maybe something inside me will stop screaming.

It doesn’t.

It only gets louder.

I grip the top of the door until my knuckles ache, staring blindly across the parking lot while my vision swims.

Three years.

Three fucking years!

Late nights.

All the families who deserve to be heard.

Children drawing pictures for a fundraiser they were excited to attend.

Volunteers giving up weekends because they believed in what we were building.

Sponsors trusting me.

Sandy trusting me.

Ghost. The thought of him breaks whatever thread I’d been hanging onto. A sob tears out of me so violently it folds me in half. “N-no.” It comes out broken. “This can’t be happening.” My chest locks so hard it feels like the air has vanished from the world.

I try to breathe.

Nothing.

Another desperate pull.

Nothing.

My lungs refuse to work. Panic crashes into me all at once, my heartbeat slamming against my ribs so hard I’m convinced something inside me is going to give way.

No.

No.

No.

Not this!

Not after everything.

My hands are shaking so violently I can barely see them, and the edges of the parking lot blur.

Everything feels too bright.

Too loud.

Too far away.

I can’t…

I can’t…

I can’t fucking do this.