Page 90 of Inked in Devotion

It was my turn to emit a frustrated sigh. All my life, I tried to detach myself from the dirty secret of who I was, but I seemed to be getting dragged into more secret organizations and cabals.

“Fine.”

When the door opened, it admitted Dr. Wyeth, whom I had earlier met in one of my waking-up moments.

“Chloe.” She smiled briefly. “You’re looking better.”

“I feel better.”

She rolled a stool from the corner to the side of the bed. Sitting on it, she laid a device on the bed. “Do you mind if I record this?”

“It’s fine.”

“Chloe, you indicated you feel better. Can you describe what you mean?”

“My head is clearer. Yesterday, it was chaotic. There were many thoughts, but I couldn’t pin one down clearly. Except…” I stared at her recorder. “Is this going to be private?”

“Yes. I’m bound by patient-doctor confidentiality.” She stared at Kolya. “Maybe you should leave us alone.”

“No. It’s fine. Kolya can stay.”

The door opened, and Theo walked in.

Dr. Wyeth sighed and paused the recording. “Would it be okay for your brother to listen in?”

“Yes. He’s my son’s legal guardian just in case I’m deemed unfit. Kolya and Theo need to decide based on your findings.”

Theo walked over to me and squeezed my hand. “Sorry to barge in like this.” He turned to Dr. Wyeth. “You have the results?”

“Preliminary,” she clipped. Clearly, she was a tad irritated by all the interruptions. “Shall we resume?”

I nodded. She started recording again and identified the people in the room and that I’d given permission for them to listen in.

“As I’ve said, my thoughts were chaotic. There was this feeling of doom. I even thought I was going to have a heart attack.”

“Have you ever gotten a panic attack?”

“No identified panic attacks, but I’ve had a lot of anxiety in the past two years.”

“Mr. Petrov said you’d go into unresponsive dissociative states.”

“Yes. I’d suddenly come out of them and realize I’d been doing something else than I’d remembered.” I stared at Kolya. “Like when you found me staring at the kettle that was about to boil. I really thought I was simply exhausted. It’s like I’d retreated into my head, but each time I get into that state, my thoughts are self-doubt or paranoia. I remember my thoughts. I thought you were brainwashing my baby. It was a one-eighty from the giddiness I felt when Sebastian first called you Dada. When the initial paranoia set in, it just turned darker from there.” I closed my eyes briefly, not wanting to admit it. “I think…I think that was when the voices started.”

The atmosphere in the room shifted. I could sense, rather than see, Theo and Kolya freezing. I didn’t want to look at them. But my gaze sought the doctor.

“I heard voices,” I whispered.

“You heard them yesterday?” Doctor Wyeth asked.

“They were constant yesterday.”

“Chloshka,” Kolya said hoarsely. “You should have said something.”

“How? You already thought Sebastian wasn’t safe around me, but the truth was you were right.”

“These voices,” Dr. Wyeth cut in. “What were they saying?”

“They kept repeating that Sebby wasn’t safe with me. And that I was a bad mother. It kept insisting it. Louder and louder until I couldn’t take it anymore, and my mind believed it because it was easier that way instead of fighting it.” I told them what I could remember from the time I woke up from my fugue to seeing Sebastian choking, to tearing out of the Zahkarov compound, driving to The Astorian. “It went quiet for a bit, but came back full force after I tried to get away.”