Page 79 of Inked in Devotion

“I had to get away!”

From Sebastian? From Kolya?

You’re a bad mother.

Face it. Admit it.

“I’m trying!” I yelled. “And I’m not.”

Yes, you are, Chloe. You left Sebastian for three months.

“It was for his safety!”

And now this.

Kolya is a better parent.

Sebastian will be safe with him.

You’re only in the way.

You’re a bad mother.

You’re a bad mother.

You’re a bad mother.

I am a bad mother.

I drove aimlessly, alternately screaming and yelling at the words taunting me. In that one therapy session, I’d been afraid to admit it. I was afraid they were going to commit me and take my son away. I was frightened that it would progress to visual hallucinations. The first time I heard the voice, I started googling the condition. Auditory hallucinations can be a psychosis. Was I becoming schizophrenic? I had a half brother who was a suspected serial killer, and I didn’t know Theo well enough to know if he had psychological issues. I couldn’t be a sociopath, right?

How about your blackouts? Maybe you have an alter ego, the voice suggested.

I’d had instances where I’d lost track of time. More so recently. I’d been doing so well since the storm when I told Kolya about the reason Renée and I split up. The news of Theo and Aralina’s engagement triggered my restlessness again.

They were getting married in two weeks. And then what? Where was my place in the world?

Kolya accused me of endangering our son.

Sebastian was choking.

On a grape.

Fuck you, Chloe. Our son is not safe with you.

You’re a danger to your son.

You don’t deserve to be his mother.

The storm eased into rolling grumblings of thunder. The rain splattered more peacefully on the windshield. The sky wasn’t as threatening. The wipers were still whisking furiously, making squeaky noises telling me to reduce their speed.

I blinked. Where am I?

Shit.

How did I get here?

I blacked out.