Page 20 of A Sweet Destruction

“And yes, Esme, I did have an inkling that something was happening today. I’ve learned not to expect you lot here a few days after you come back from Virterra.” It was odd hearing the formal name of our world in that lyrical Muli dialect, even after all these years. “But I have a steady flow of Muli soldiers here. Boredom drives people to drink like no other. I didn’t serve a single person in here tonight.”

I wondered if he’d phrased that intentionally. He might not have served someone, but someone was here. Multiple someones, even.

I took a second to catalog Roger’s demeanor, sweeping over the bulky set of his shoulders, built to carry crates of liquor up and down steps, and over the hard joint at each corner of his jaw.

Though he hid it under a gentle and calm demeanor, I could see the lines of stress bracketing his mouth and pinching at the corners of his eyes. Pushing him too far would do him no good.

I softened my expression and took a step towards him. “We’ll protect you too, you know.”

Quick as the beat of a hummingbird’s wings, Roger responded. “Can you?”

Heat crawled up my throat, long pushed away shame coming back with full force. Shame about the harm I’d caused. Shame that I was a significant part of a war that destroyed land and lives and bodies. Shame that this conflict was happening in the first place.

“I will try.” Though it wasn’t comforting, it was honest. Roger knew me well enough to know that if I promised to try at something, I would put my full weight behind my efforts.

Roger’s eyes crinkled with emotion, though he forcefully shook it away a second later.

Ford stepped close, coming up to my back in a way that poured heat through my limbs.

Oh, I really hated that this was back. I couldn’t focus like this.

“It’s late, and we don’t want to keep you, but perhaps it would be wise to put together a rudimentary plan for—” Ford’s words were cut off by a loud crash from upstairs.

Ford and Roger’s eyes shot to the ceiling, tracking where the noise came from, while I kept my eyes on Roger to gauge his reaction. His features pulled tight with concern, though it was laced with something deeper.

Something like panic.

“Why don’t you go check on our horses, sweetheart?” Ford’s voice rumbled in my ear a second later. I was turning around to…well, I wanted to do a lot of things.

Push at his chest for getting so close to me.

Yell at him for using that word again.

Crawl into his brain and see down to the very core of him.

All of those priorities, and yet I only made it far enough to lift my hand to his chest. Ford wrapped a warm, too-large hand around my wrist, anchoring me to the spot. “Sky and Shadow are probably getting a little antsy. I’ll finish up with Roger while you make sure they’re okay.”

I was hearing words, and knew what they were and what they meant, but I was struggling to actually process anything while it felt like my pulse was trying to punch its way out of my wrist and into his fingers.

Ford’s amused patience irritated me enough to gain an inch of sanity back. He leaned close and I made myself stay still. I couldn’t jerk back with disgust in Roger’s presence.

No signs of weakness, even in front of an old friend.

“Maybe I’ll even swipe that pretty necklace you were looking at in the last shipment. Surely that’s sufficient payment for our troubles.”

I swallowed thickly, hating the thrill that rolled over my skin from being the subject of Ford’s teasing attention.

He opened his mouth again, right as his eyes dropped to my neck and collarbones. I just knew he was about to make some sly comment, and I didn’t think I could handle that with decorum.

I placed my hands on his chest, patting twice with flexed fingers, so that the hard bones of my knuckles smarted his sternum. His smirk only widened.

“If you don’t come back with that necklace, I’ll be very, very upset with you.” I was already very, very upset with him, but now I could at least get something out of it.

Stepping away, I was nearly forced to go crashing back into him when something tugged at my midsection, like someone had looped a rope around me and yanked me toward him.

Hoping he didn’t notice me wobbling, I took another, careful step away and tossed Roger a smile over my shoulder before making my way back up the steps.

I felt eyes on me, starting near my shoulders then sliding down my back and to the curve of my ass as I made my way up the stairs. By the time I popped back onto the main floor, my chest was tight with exertion, though I should have been able to climb a hundred flights of stairs without much effort.