Page 60 of A Cruel Kindness

And now I had Soren … a Soul Mate who had been the first person to make me smile since being here. Who had been the only one to ask a single question about me, even if it was a begrudging acceptance of the Bond’s demands.

My eyes started to well with tears and I fought hard to blink them away. It wasn’t because I was embarrassed of crying. If anything, that meant I was actually feeling my emotions rather than pushing them away, which would let me bounce back from them easier.

It was because I knew that if Soren woke up and I was lying in his arms crying, he would either hate himself or go ballistic, asking me what had hurt me before I had to admit that his unconscious possessiveness had been the tender care I craved so badly.

I was able to control my tears, but that seemed to be the only part of my body willing to cooperate with my wishes to stay separate from him. My body was buzzing with the need to press closer, as close as any two people could come.

Where the thought of us together, in that intimate sense, had once registered with a great deal of panic and a fair bit of never going to happen, now it just felt exciting.

I used to be able to push away the feelings with an internal promise that touching Soren wasn’t an option, but now the only way I could refocus was by saying not yet.

When Soren shifted in his sleep, drawing me closer to his body and some very evident hard parts of him, the not yet flew right out the window and my body demanded right now.

That wouldn’t do.

I wrangled back my control with the effort it would take to stop a bucking bull from moving. By the time I slipped out from Soren’s hold and sat up in bed, I was so winded it was an effort to keep my breaths quiet.

No more than three seconds after I’d done so, Soren shot up in bed and breathed, “ Bell,” with so much fear in his voice, it set off the Bond’s warning signals in my own head.

My hands took over, grabbing Soren’s face to make him look at me. It took several blinks for his vision to clear and for him to realize that it was actually me in front of him.

The moment of vulnerability was cut when Soren’s jaw went hard and he ripped himself from my hold with a frown marring his perfect face.

That was one of the first times I’d seen him look genuinely upset. It was always cool rage or a vaguely amused expression. I’d even made him smile a few times, which made me prouder than I cared to admit.

“We have an assignment today. Go to breakfast ready,” he said, his voice sounding depleted of all energy. I didn’t even realize I’d jumped off the bed to follow him until he closed the bathroom door behind him.

The Bond did not appreciate the fact that there was a piece of wood between us. I let it bitch and moan in my head while I quickly changed. I was just pulling on a tank top that was tight enough to skip undergarments when I heard the bathroom door open.

There was a creaking sound that followed, like wood that started screaming when too much pressure was applied to it. I turned to find Soren with that same frown on his face, if not more angry than when he’d woken up.

Even though I got the sense that the Bond—on either side— would not appreciate what I was about to say, I charged forward anyway. “I’ll meet you outside. I need something from Esme.”

I swiped my toiletry case from the bathroom then marched over to Esme and Ford’s door. I knocked rather insistently.

Esme was the one to open the door, looking far too fresh faced for the early morning hour.

“Do you have any moisturizer?” I asked weakly.

Esme’s soft brown eyes dragged slowly over my face, then down to the bag of products in my hand, my moisturizer sticking right out of the top. She looked back up at me, and I dropped my passive expression to let her see the anguish hiding underneath.

“Sure,” she said, with a slow dip of her chin, stepping aside so I could walk inside. Ford was walking out of the closet in a long sleeve again. He didn’t pay me any mind as he walked out of their bedroom and right out the front door.

On another day, I might have made a joke about how he left burn marks in his wake, he was moving so fast. As I walked quickly to Esme’s bathroom, I noticed that the beds were pushed to the far sides of the wall, the furniture oddly construed so that there was a small table and a set of chairs between the beds.

I made quick work of washing my face, and when I got to the step in my routine where I applied moisturizer, Esme extended me her own, “Try this. It’s from a store in Pax. Oh, and also, working out helps shut it up.”

Esme fled the conversation a moment later, leaving me slack jawed and confused.

I applied some makeup, hoping it would make me look more awake than I was. I stayed up far too late staring at Soren, which was so ridiculous I would have to lie if anyone asked why I looked so exhausted.

Soren was waiting on the front steps when I left the cabin. The second I closed the door to the cabin, he took off towards the Main House. I followed him, feeling a strong yank in my middle as if tied to him by a rope.

I wasn’t convinced that wasn’t the case anymore.

♣

Soren