Page 36 of A Cruel Kindness

Then Soren turned his attention back to me and my heart lurched into my throat. He couldn’t think to—

Oh, he was.

Soren’s hands fell to the holster looped around my shoulders, pulling the leather flat against my skin so it didn’t dig in and irritate me. He pulled out my firearm and checked the safety, then the ammunition, and moved onto the backups stored in the other side of the holster.

Oh, God help me, I knew where this was going and there was no way I was going to fight the blush building on my cheeks.

I could do nothing but stare shamelessly at Soren as he meticulously worked his way down my body and everything strapped to it. When he descended to his knees in front of me, I almost collapsed.

Maybe I would have, if his hands didn’t go to my waist, where my thigh holster was secured and looped through the belt of my tactical pants. He did the same thing as he had to my shoulders, flattening the leather to my body. Except this time, he lifted the edge of my shirt, running his hand under the material and over the expanse of my lower stomach, before making sure it was secured under the band of my pants.

I hoped he was too focused on his task to notice that goosebumps erupted all over my body, like my flesh was rising to meet his touch.

“Soren,” I said, not even realizing I’d spoken his name until it fell from my lips.

He didn’t look up as he responded, “Just let me.”

My hand moved to his shoulder, needing to brace myself and his hands traced slowly to my right leg, where two knives were strapped. His shoulder was warm and strong under my touch, and as the feeling licked up my arm and across my chest, my lingering fear was replaced with an entirely different sort of anticipation.

I couldn’t tell if he was intentionally dragging his hands over more of my body than he needed to, but I didn’t care. The Bond was mewling like a cat, shamelessly pressing their face against a petting hand.

He set one hand on the inner half of my thigh and breath fled my lungs so fast I was scared I was going to pass out. Soren’s hand anchored me as he used the other to check the strap looping my thigh and make sure the knives were well secured.

The hand on my thigh didn’t move as Soren checked the pockets on the side of my pants, stuffed with more materials I’d need to survive in the forest if I got separated from the group and my pack.

While his attention was focused, his body seemed to take on a mind of its own. His thumb started slowly caressing my inner thigh, small sweeps that sent lightning shooting up my legs and pooling in my core.

It took everything in me not to flinch, not from distaste but from the sheer inability to keep still while he tortured me.

He’s an asshole. You don’t like each other. You are keeping secrets he’ll kill you for, I tried to remind myself. The Bond simply swatted those thoughts away, much happier basking in Soren’s attention.

When Soren sat back on his heels, done with his inspection, I almost made a sound of protest. I smothered it at the last minute, only for his head to rise and his eyes to connect with mine and make my control over my body flee entirely.

He looked different, kneeling in front of me. I was so used to him crowding me, his large body folding over mine. When I wasn’t so distracted by how I felt in the shadow of his mass, I was forced to appreciate truly how beautiful he was.

Details I hadn’t noticed before, like the dark, isolated freckles over his lip, his brow, his left cheek. How he had annoyingly dark lashes despite the almost white-blonde of his hair.

I’d once thought his nose was perfectly straight, but now I was noticing a slight bump that signaled a previous break.

That thought sobered me up, reminded me that he would never have been hurt, would never have suffered all he did if it wasn’t for my family.

We were responsible for his enlistment, my father’s greed and obsession with becoming Emperor latching onto any perceived threat, and orchestrating Soren's enlistment.

Soren used me as a target for his rage, maybe rightfully so.

“Satisfied?” I asked, trying to keep my voice entirely passive. The lack of emotion would irritate Soren more than anger would.

It worked. Soren’s eyes cleared of that distracted haze and he popped up to stand, forcing me to remember how imposing he was. “If you die from something stupid and you make me follow you, I can’t do what I need to.”

“I think I’ve demonstrated that stupidity isn’t the issue,” I returned, getting right in his face as I said it. I was normally incredibly composed in the face of anger, but Soren just had a way of getting to me.

“For the love of God, Bell,” Soren snapped, stepping closer to me. “It’s going to drive me crazy if you don’t appease it.”

Oh. I kept forgetting that the Bond spoke to him, too.

That took the wind out of my anger sails quite quickly. “I can’t account for every threat,” I said softly. “But I’m better prepared than most.”

That was the most I could give him or the Bond for now. I would be putting myself in dangerous situations, but I didn’t need to tell him that. In a perfect world, he’d never even know.