Page 114 of The Haunting Plot

“It can’t be that hard to find a giant cock, right?” Bella says.

I bite my lips to hold in the laugh. This is the distraction I needed.

“Bella, it’s not the time,” Sawyer says in his stern fire chief voice.

I wave him off. “No, it’s okay. It was funny. I needed the laugh. I know he’s okay. It’s going to be okay. I just can’t stop my anxiety from creating all kinds of worst-case scenarios. And your jokes, as ridiculous as they are, help me get out of my head. Help me focus on something else.”

RJ walks in behind Bella and waves Sawyer over as Bella takes my hand and drags me into the kitchen. “We’re gonna find them. They couldn’t have gotten far. One of them is a turtle. They don’t move very fast.”

“I feel like I should be out there looking for him, but I also want to stay here in case he comes back. Oh God, I’m a shit parent.” I drop my head to hide the tears welling in my eyes. “I can’t do this by myself.”

“Sweetie, I know.” She rubs a tentative hand on my back. “But Imma need you to be nice to my friend.”

I tilt my head toward her, a tear spilling down my cheek.

“My friend Raven is a badass who doesn’t need a man to survive. She’s an amazing mom and friend. Supportive. Logical. Wise. She doesn’t take shit from anyone. But she’s also been through a lot these past few years and is stubborn as hell about asking for help.”

I huff out a breath. Fuck, I hate it that she’s right, yet I love that she knows me so well.

“It’s okay to feel like you can’t do it all. You’ve done more on your own than I ever could have, and I respect the hell outta you. But life has been coming at you from all angles lately, and it’s okay to lean on us for support.”

“Can I be honest even if it’s shitty?”

“Always. I’d be mad if you weren’t.”

We’re alone in the kitchen, but I drop my voice nonetheless. “I love my life, and I love my kids, but this life sucks sometimes. It’s hard, and it’s messy, and no one tells you how to do this. And when you think you’ve figured something out, life is like, fuck you, no you haven’t!”

“Life’s a dick. Sometimes it’s up. Sometimes it’s down. But it won’t be hard forever.”

I chuckle at her perverted yet insightful comment.

“Seriously, Raven, I think every mom feels that way at some point. Parenthood tests you in ways you never expect. And you can love your life and your kids and still want to grab life by the testicles and bash it around like a nineties cartoon until it eases up on you a little.”

“Thanks for that visual.”

She smiles. “What are friends for?”

“Is that why you haunted my house? It was your misguided yet well-intentioned way of helping me?”

“Yeah… sorry about that. It seemed like a good idea at the time, and we all wanted to help you two get together. Part of me thought that since everyone was in on it, even the boys, that it would be okay, but I understand how it would’ve upset you. That was absolutely not my intention, and I’m sorry.”

“I appreciate that.”

RJ walks into the kitchen. “Hey, can I talk to you?”

“I’m gonna give you two a minute.” Bella pats my shoulder as she leaves the kitchen, and I cross my arms, eyeing my brother up and down.

“Please don’t blame Sawyer for this. Blame me. It was all my fault, and I’m so fucking sorry.”

“I know your heart was in the right place, but it brought out a lot of emotions that I’d buried, and it was really hard for me to regulate all of that.”

“I feel awful, Raven. That wasn’t my intention at all.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever told you how your moving away hurt me. I wanted what was best for you, and I know I’m not your mom, but I sometimes think of you like a son, not a brother, because I helped raise you, and I was hurt when you left. Dad left me. You left me, and even though it wasn’t Kris’s fault, he left me too. All the important men in my life leave. And I don’t want that to happen again.”

“That won’t happen.”

“You can’t promise that. None of this was real. It was an elaborate prank.”