Page 8 of Crown: Phase 4

“I know. I couldn’t either, but you’ll learn.”

Nivéa turned slightly, curiosity replacing some of the worry in her expression. “How? Does the feeling just come to you where you stop worrying, or is it more of a getting used to it?”

“You never stop worrying. You just get used to it. And sometimes, that shit can be hurtful, too. You make big plans with these men, and everything can change at the drop of a dime. They gone so much that you miss them more than you see them. That can send you through a whole bunch of emotions. Most time, you're worried. Sometimes you're lonely. Sometimes you're sad. Sometimes you're disappointed.”

Nivéa nodded slowly, absorbing every word. “Yeah.”

“Me and my Ahmad got to a point where I couldn't take it no more. I loved that man, but love don't mean you gotta accept everything without eventually breaking. There were times when I was tired of waiting, tired of wondering, tired of plans changing because something happened with the club. I left him at one point. I thought maybe walking away would give me some peace.”

“Wow, really?” Nivéa was shocked. Crown had never mentioned that to her, and they’d discussed his family a lot.

“Heck yeah. When Crown was little, I did. Boy was so young he probably doesn’t even remember. But yeah, I kicked his black ass to the curb just like you did his son.” Kerri said, and they laughed.

“But sometimes you don't realize how much somebody means to you until you have to live without them. I loved Ahmad too much to stay gone forever, and he loved me enough to understand why I needed to leave in the first place. He let me have my space, and we eventually found our way back to each other after a few years. Then he married me, and I had Danger.”

“Awe…” Nivéa was a sucker for a struggle-love story that ended beautifully.

“I also learned something along the way. Take this and do with it as you will. I’m not trying to convince you of anything, baby. You have to do what’s best for you and those babies.”

“Oh, I know. I’m listening. Please, share.”

Nivéa was all about listening and learning. She understood she was the captain of her ship, but it never hurt to listen to someone else’s journey and soak up their knowledge. She used to listen to her mother preach faithfully. Sometimes, it worked on her nerves, but Nivéa took plenty of gems away from their conversations. Every time, she walked away with something valuable. It was part of what made her strong.

“If you choose to be with a man like that, you have to understand what comes with him. If you choose to spend his money, you have to understand how he makes it. That doesn’t give him a hall pass to walk all over you. That’s not what I’m saying. But you do have to come to grips with the fact that you chose him just as much as he chose you. So, nagging ain’t gon’ help nothing. It’ll only drive a deeper wedge between you two and create even more issues.”

Kerri paused to stare out at the rain. Thunder rumbled above, briefly illuminating the dark sky and rain-soaked property with flashes of lightning as she reminisced about the early days of her relationship. She and Ahmad Sr. had been through some shit…more than she cared to speak on.

“You okay, Mama?”

“I’m okay.” She forced a smile.

“My point is, either you gon’ stay or leave. If that’s your person and you choose to stay, then when he’s home, enjoy him. When he’s with you, be with him. Don’t let the time he’s gone take away from the time you actually have together.” She reached over and squeezed Nivéa’s arm before continuing.

“But don’t be afraid to tell Crown when you’re struggling with it. Again, understanding who you married doesn’t give him a hall pass to walk all over you. Nagging and struggling are completely different. You ain’t gotta pretend you’re stronger than you are just because he’s a strong man. He needs to know when his woman needs reassurance.”

“I hear that. I appreciate your words.”

“Always. You got it good, though. Crown is a communicator, just like his grandfather. Ahmad Sr… not so much. It took losing me for him to learn how to communicate. You two will be okay.”

Nivéa smiled, finally slipping her phone into the pocket of her robe. “I needed this talk.”

“I know you did.” Kerri kissed her cheek.

“Now stop standing here looking sad and get your butt in that bed, girl. I didn't spend an hour rocking my grandbaby to sleep for nothing. Get your beauty rest while you can, and Crown will call when he can.”

Nivéa laughed softly. “Yes, ma'am.”

Chapter Four.

Crown sat behind his desk, fixing Smoky with a deadly glare. They had just made it back to the clubhouse, and he didn’t know what to think or how to react. Maino had somehow dodged a bullet. Instead of ending up in a body bag, he was being questioned by Detective Lawson. That alone pissed Crown off. Smoky’s involvement made it worse. No matter how Crown tried to piece everything together, nothing made sense.

“You just gon’ sit there? Or you wanna tell me what the fuck going on? Why the fuck were you with a nigga who shot up our clubhouse? Even worse, a nigga that’s the cousin of a rat we disposed?”

Smoky let out a heavy sigh, shaking his head. “Bro, listen…”

“I’m fuckin’ listening. Speak.”

Smoky leaned back in his chair, his nostrils flaring as he fought to keep his temper in check. He didn’t like being talked to like a bitch, but he also understood exactly how this looked. If their positions were reversed, he’d be asking the same questions.