Page 162 of Safe Word

Why?

Why would she want to share this with me? To willingly walk into the dark, tangled mess of my past when she had her own to deal with? Most people ran in the other direction when they got even a glimpse of the man I used to be – or worse, the man I feared I still was. And yet here she was, acting like this was just another step in her day. As though my broken, brutal past didn’t disgust her.

The emotions surged. They were hard to untie – an unfamiliar cocktail of shame and something deeper that I couldn’t comprehend.

As I followed her out of the building, her words echoed in my mind: ‘…figured we could cut down another dragon.’

Another dragon indeed. But I couldn’t tell her just how many there were – one of them in a constantly restless state.

No woman had ever looked at me, knowing the darkness, the damage, the jagged edges, and offered to stand by my side anyway. They all either avoided me or used me.

I wasn’t sure whether to be in awe of this woman – or fucking terrified of her.

I wasn’t sure if I liked it or hated it, either.

I’d stepped into uncharted territory.

The drive to the hospice was quiet at first, the tension between us filling the car like a bothersome third passenger. I kept my hands firmly on the steering wheel, my eyes fixed on the road ahead, but my mind was a whirlwind of noise: Ezio’s voice, walking out on Scarlett, Paula’s resolve, the tangle of my own emotions – all swirling together into an anarchic blur.

Beside me, Paula sat with her legs crossed, her sunglasses shielding her eyes, but I could feel her presence keenly. She wasn’t the kind of person who disappeared into the background, not even when she was quiet.

‘So,’ she said finally, breaking the silence just as we exited the tumultuous city and the road began to stretch evenly ahead.

Her voice was lighter, almost casual, though I could feel the increasing dose of effort behind it. ‘Is this why you never married?’

The question blindsided me, enough that I glanced at her briefly before turning my eyes back to the road.

‘That’s a bit out of left field, DeLuca,’ I said, aiming for nonchalance.

She shrugged, the gesture barely perceptible. ‘Just making conversation. You seem like the type who would’ve been snatched up by now.’

A humourless chuckle escaped me. ‘Do I?’

She nodded, sinking deeper into the seat. ‘Tall, dark, brooding. I’m sure women love all that tortured soul energy you’ve got going on.’

Her teasing tone made the corner of my mouth twitch, drawing my mind from what awaited at the end of the road. But the question itself – the genuine curiosity – made my heart skip a beat.

‘Most women don’t stick around long enough to love anything about me,’ I said after a pause, keeping my voice even.

Paula angled her head a little, her sunglasses glinting in the sunlight streaming through the windscreen. ‘Why’s that?’

I hesitated, the words catching in my throat. I didn’t want to admit everything, not to her – not to someone who already knew too much about my broken pieces. But I couldn’t brush her off completely. Not when she was sitting here, willingly walking into the darkest corners of my life.

‘Let’s just say,’ I began carefully, ‘most people can’t handle the dark. And I carry a lot of it.’

She didn’t respond right away, and the silence pulsed between us, ponderous but not uncomfortable.

‘You don’t give women enough credit,’ she said finally, her voice softer. ‘Some of us aren’t afraid of the dark, you know.’

The words were there, flaunting their shine in front of me. I knew just how true they were – I witnessed them myself.

And I glanced at her again, the faintest smile playing at the corners of her lips. She didn’t realise she was one in a million for saying that.

‘Maybe not,’ I said quietly, my grip tightening on the steering wheel. ‘But the dark has a way of swallowing everything it touches. Even the strongest people get tired of fighting it eventually.’

Her smile faded, her lips pressing into a thin line. She didn’t push me further, and for that, I was grateful.

‘And what about you?’ I asked – unable to help myself as I fought this uncompromising hunger to know more about her. ‘How come you’re not taken? Travis happened a while back.’