Page 104 of Safe Word

A promise I was finally ready to keep.

NINETEEN

Pressing my back against the cool door of the toilet cubicle, I drew my knees up to my chest as I tried to steady my erratic breathing. The air around me felt too thick, heavy with the remnants of him. Even the bass from the club outside was distant, as if I were underwater, dissolving slowly into whatever had just happened.

My fingers trembled as they brushed over my lips, still tender from the sweep of his tongue.

He didn’t kiss me. He never did. Even after he’d cleaned my body with careful hands and bated breath.

And yet I ached for his lips, not his hands, not his tongue. Just that one simple thing. Even with the truth slick between my thighs, I still wanted more. Like the greedy woman I was.

A bitter laugh broke free, muffled by my hand as it tried to catch it. I wasn’t sure if I was laughing, crying or coming apart entirely. My heart felt too full, too loud, too chaotic. As if letting go for even a second would shatter me.

Closing my eyes, I could still feel the shape of his presence. The lick – so unexpected, so obscene – and yet… reverent. The sound of his breath, low and ragged, as if mine was the only air he had ever been able to breathe. The way he held himself back even as he gave me everything.

And then he cleaned me. In silence. Each swipe of damp cloth was like a balm.

Was this what it meant to be wanted?

He was everything I craved and everything I feared. And I hated how much I needed him, as though he were the only thing keeping me from shattering entirely.

Because I was broken. Fractured along the lines no one could see; held together by panic and pretence. And he didn’t know it. He couldn’t have known. The worst parts of me hoped he wouldn’t even bother to find out.

It was easier to keep my eyes covered. Safer. He wouldn’t want me if he saw all the cracks – if he saw the weight I carried, the shadows that clung to me.

I tipped my head back until it knocked gently against the cubicle door, biting my lip hard enough to taste copper. The pain moored me, kept me from spiralling.

He didn’t have to come. He didn’t owe me anything. And yet he was here. He did things to me that made me feel like I was the only thing that mattered, Like I was worth something.

But how long could this illusion last? How long before he saw through it and walked like the rest?

The thought gutted me.

I wrapped my arms around my chest, clutching tightly to keep the parts from falling off me. It wasn’t just his touch or his words that had unravelled me, it was the way he always took me as though he needed to disappear inside me. For a fleeting moment, I allowed myself to believe it. I let myself feel wanted.

But now, in the stark silence of my own mind, the doubts crept in like a tide of inevitability. What if I was just a simple escape for him? Another conquest?

The thought was almost laughable. Ghost, whoever he was, didn’t strike me as a man who needed to prove himself. He was too raw, too unfiltered for that. And yet, the possibility remained, gnawing at my fragile hope.

I pushed myself upright, smoothing the wrinkled fabric as my hair slipped loose beneath the twisted scarf – tangled, like the rest of me. My legs were unsteady in the small toilet stall, and my reflection in the large mirror above the sink looked as wrecked as I felt. But I wouldn’t let it show. Not tonight. Not ever.

I took a deep breath and forced myself to stand taller, to wear the mask I’d perfected over years of practice. The world didn’t need to see my broken pieces. I wasn’t sure I could handle it if anyone tried to pick them up.

And Ghost… he was the one thing that felt real in a world of illusions. But even he had his boundaries. Even he couldn’t fix what was beyond repair. And there was a possibility that he probably wouldn’t want to.

With the scarf around my neck, contacts and mask shamefully concealed in my purse, I reached for the door.

And froze as my eyes skimmed the mirror.

The hem of my dress betrayed me with a glaring mark, unmistakable for what it was – Ghost’s release. Indignation scorched up my neck, setting my cheeks alight.

There was no bloody way I could walk out like this! The stain wasn’t subtle – it was glaring, a messy truth I couldn’t hide. And it was too obvious.

I scrubbed frantically under the cold water. The white smear vanished – but the silk turned traitorous. Now it was a fucking soaked patch, clinging tight, louder than any stain.

I stared at my reflection, my fingers gripping the edge of the sink as my stomach churned.

I couldn’t face Cain like this.