Page 66 of Serve ’N’ Protect

Please say yes.

Slowly, she nodded. “If that’s what you want,” she said, “then I want it, too.” She turned her face into his hand, kissing his palm.

The simple gesture tugged at his heart. In his entire life, she was the only person who could play him that way. Other emotions raged inside his head, pinging to get out. He might never be capable of expressing them, but he could explain more about the events that had shaped his life, making him who and what he was. He’d never discussed it with a living soul, but he owed Cassidy that much. “First, we should probably talk about all the shit in my head that needs to get figured out.” Because he was a self-diagnosed psychological hot mess.

“Okay,” she said, lacing their fingers together, “tell me about the shit in your head.”

This would be a first, outing where it all came from. Steven. It had been years since he’d lived with the man, yet the trauma he’d inflicted was still there, festering like an untreatable cancer.

He inhaled deeply and started talking.

“My father drilled into us as kids that showing emotion is a sign of weakness. My sister and I learned that if we didn’t want to get criticized or smacked, we had to say nothing and keep everything inside. Life was easier if we just didn’t feel at all.”

Cassidy stroked his jaw, grazing her short nails over his rough stubble. “Are you afraid of what would happen if you let yourself feel? Or is it what other people might think if you shared those feelings?”

Both. Damn, but she really did get him.

“You know,” she said when he didn’t reply, “if you don’t let yourself feel and talk about those feelings, they might explode on you one day.”

That he already knew, but he’d learned to channel that frustration and rage into his work, first with the marines and then in the Secret Service. He dragged a hand down his face. “I’m afraid of fucking this up with you.”

“And I’m afraid of being close to someone again.”

Markus’s muscles tightened with the need to punch her dickwad ex-fiancé’s face into the next century. The guy had shredded her heart. Markus could kill him for that.

But not tonight.

“We both have to grow,” she continued. “In time, maybe we can.”

Maybe. But he still worried he’d never be able to dissect the feelings stumbling around in his chest whenever he thought of her, never be capable of flowery emotions and words she deserved to hear.

He leaned in to capture her mouth in a slow, wet kiss. Even if it was completely irresponsible and impossible, he wanted her to be his. Showing her how much would have to suffice. That he could do.

Oh, yeah. That he could definitely do.

He sheathed himself in another condom and pulled her astride, holding her hips above his straining erection, then lowered her down slowly, watching her take all of him deep inside her. As she picked up the rhythm, he released her ass, sliding his hands down the tops of her thighs and the raised, puckered skin of her scars.

With every rise and fall of her body, her breasts swayed, the distended nipples calling to him like a beacon. He leaned up, stroking her back as he sucked one nipple into his mouth, loving the sexy little gasp that escaped her lips.

She threw back her head, her walls gripping him tighter as the orgasm took hold and she cried out his name. A moment later, his own release left him trembling with his face pressed to her chest, inhaling her sweet, earthy scent.

As he drifted into a thoroughly satisfied post-sex haze, Cassidy curled up against his side, and Markus tried to relax into what was shaping up to be a plan. A plan in which he and Cassidy had some sort of future, even if he didn’t know what that might look like. He wanted more with her—that much he knew—but time was not on his side.

Unease crept into his chest. Soon, he would be leaving, and that scared him to death. Because no matter what he told himself, no matter what promises he made, once he was gone, he’d take the easy route and never come back. Anything to not have to face what he was really running from.

After he’d been attacked, the media had pegged him as one of the country’s most courageous domestic warriors, protecting the President of the United States, ready and willing to sacrifice his own life to accomplish the mission. On that score, they were right. If necessary, he’d lay down his life to protect the President. He wasn’t afraid to die, and he’d do it in a heartbeat and without any hesitation whatsoever. But they didn’t know the truth.

When it came to facing his greatest fear, he was a coward.

As a child and then as a teenager, he’d been denied love by the one person who should have given it to him. Had been punished for wanting it. The constant rejection time and time again had taken its toll. It didn’t matter how much he wanted something—he’d never allow himself to be vulnerable enough to get it. He couldn’t risk being rejected again, especially by someone as important as Cassidy, who gave her love so freely to everyone she encountered. Love that he so desperately wanted.

And because of that, Markus was destined to be alone.

That was the truth he was hiding.

Know yourself and you will win all battles. Sun Tzu was indeed a wise man, but he was wrong about that. Markus knew himself better than anyone, but this was one battle he would always lose.

Because he was the one afraid of getting hurt.