Page 95 of The Gambler Wagers Her Baron

After so many years, she was uncertain if her wins outweighed her losses.

When his head fell forward, and his shoulders slumped, she feared she’d have yet another thing to add to her loss column.

“I love you, too, Payton.” His utterance weighed more than a thousand stones, and his head hung with more despair than she’d ever seen before. “I am not certain when it happened or how it all began, but I can no longer deny it. Not to myself or to you.”

When he looked up, the sadness and despair in his eyes were heartbreaking.

It should be a moment of great happiness—for them both. A time they would remember all their days to come; however, something held Damon back.

If she loved him and he loved her, she could not reconcile the wretchedness that settled over him. It was as if admitting his affection for her was not the difficult part of it all but only the beginning.

Payton was well aware of the outcome of her admission.

Seeing the dejected air about Damon had her wishing to take it all back.

“I’ve held onto the reasoning that love means eventual hurt, heartbreak, and loneliness. I shuttered myself in my study for all these years in a failed attempt to stop myself from hurting and make certain my children never experience a loss like that of losing their mother again.” The words tumbled from him, some rushed while others were pronounced with such slow deliberateness that Payton wondered if he were in control of himself at all or if some invisible force had taken over. “All I did was keep the pain and loss fresh in their minds because they lost me a bit more and more each day. When you entered our home, you were not the only stranger. I knew you that first day as well as I knew my own children. Without you, I never would have learned of Joy’s love for horses or Abram’s love of books and history.”

Payton suspected that wasn’t true; however, she remained silent, fearful that he’d stop talking, and their time together would come to an end without the answers she so urgently needed.

Her brother was waiting in the hall for her, and they would depart.

If she were taking advice from her sister, Sam would have advised Payton to stand up and leave. If Damon came after her, his feelings were genuine. But if he didn’t, then it would be necessary for her to move on without him or the children.

If she’d sought out Jude for her wisdom, she would have suggested nothing so dramatic. She would tell Payton to remain all night, speaking with Damon, if that’s what it took. Even if the conversation continued, talking in circles around what they both truly needed to discuss. Running was not an option—was not as noble as facing her fears and conquering them. Success or failure was not the important part.

What of Marce? Sometimes, Payton suspected she knew the least about her eldest sibling, despite their significant time spent together over the years. Their mother had died so many years ago that Payton sometimes had a difficult time remembering Marce was her sister and not her mother. Her eldest sibling would do something in the middle, Payton thought. She would not run and expect a man to chase her. Neither would she remain in a situation that was stagnant.

No, Marce Davenport would discuss the important matters at hand. She would face it head-on and allow everything to work out the way it was supposed to. She would do what was best for her future.

Winning, or losing for that matter, was irrelevant when Payton didn’t know the game or how to play, let alone the stakes.

“I’m ready to let it all go.” He exhaled, and Payton could almost trick herself into seeing it all go.

“What does that mean?” she dared ask.

Damon stood, holding out his hand for her to take. When she did, he helped her to her feet.

“It means, I am tired. Tired of merely existing, tired of hiding who I am and what I want to the point where I don’t recognize myself. I am tired of distancing myself from my children, and, mostly, I’m tired of allowing life to pass me by. Thinking I either don’t deserve anything better, or that I am somehow betraying Sarah by any small attempt at happiness. No matter my excuse, I’m done with it.”

“And what, exactly, do you want, Damon?” Her body tensed, anxious for his answer yet leery of it, as well.

His lips pressed into a firm line as if he were actually pondering the question for the first time. “I want to explore the museum and parks of London with my children. I want to journey to Bath and perhaps Scotland. I want to frolic in the meadows surrounding Falconcrest. I want to fall asleep reading tales of adventure…on that very lounge.”

He paused, and Payton’s excitement dissipated to apprehension.

“Is that all?” She should be content, happy even to see how far he’d come since they met. He’d gone from a man who avoided his children at all costs to genuinely enjoying their company.

“It is not all I want,” he said, pulling her securely into his embrace and bringing his lips to hers. However, he didn’t kiss her. Instead, he halted, his mouth hovering close to hers. Their breaths mingled; his, rich and warm, fanned her cheek and neck. “I want you, by my side, through it all.”

Of everything Damon could have longed for and desired, Payton was fearful it wouldn’t include her. He’d opened himself more than she’d ever thought possible, and it was only fair that she do the same. “I want all those things, too.”

Payton had lived her life one card game at a time, and she’d been known to cheat at them because she did anything to make it to the next stepping stone, her next goal, her next stop to where she wanted to be.

Perhaps it was past time she stopped long enough to determine if she’d already found everything she’d spent her entire life searching for. While she’d been plotting and planning, she’d misguidedly neglected to see what was right in front of her.

Damon.

Life wasn’t about moving forward, forging ahead until you found the green meadow you sought. It was about finding the right person who stood by your side and letting the paradise you longed for grow around you.