Page 41 of For The Love Of A Widow

“Lettie.” Daniel kissed her forehead, and her eyes drifted shut. No one had ever treated her so tenderly. “I am broken, too. Mayhap not in the same ways as you, but I understand all that you’ve witnessed—death, violence, and loss. When you left, I tried to mask the pain of losing you with liquor, and surrounded myself with people who didn’t care a whit for me. That way, if they left, I would not feel what I felt with you. Because of this, a boy lost his life. I am responsible for that. I will spend my life making amends for it. All those lost at war…that blood is not on your hands. Allow me to prove that to you.”

Without taking his eyes from hers, he spread her hands wide, palms up. He leaned down and placed a kiss on each palm before gazing back at her.

“See, there is no blood. If anything, there are men who survived because of you. Families were reunited because of your quick thinking and medical aid. Men had clean clothes and full bellies because you cared enough about them all to work tirelessly, day in and day out.”

Lettie looked down at her hands, calloused from years of labor. They were, indeed, without bloodstain. The hardship remained in the way of roughness, but no flakes of dirt or blood clung under her nails.

Was it possible to scrub away her memories—live her life, never forgetting all the people lost and injured, but finding some form of peace? She would never let Gregory’s memory go, but she could remember him, honor him, without throwing away her second chance at happiness.

“Lettie, I love you,” he pleaded. “I beg you to give us a chance. The worst that can come is a lifelong friendship. The best, we both find love, happiness, and fulfillment with one another. I will never stop trying to make you happy. I will never turn away from you, no matter where life leads us. I want you—and only you—at my side.”

If she accepted, would she doom Daniel to an uncertain future? As much as she wanted to jump in, believe his words, and know he could help her…she could not fully put him at risk. What if her mind didn’t improve and only continued to deteriorate? The time may come that she was not fit to be around anyone, especially Daniel and any family they may have together.

She searched his face for any sign of unease or hesitation. Any hint that he did not wholly mean all he promised because, if she accepted his offer and she was never able to recover her sound mind, then she would never forgive herself for dragging Daniel down with her.

CHAPTER 19

“ You are my only hope.” Daniel caressed Lettie’s hands, trying to rid them of the chill that had descended on the room. From her lost, faraway look, he suspected she was no longer in this room with him. Jealousy spiked at the thought of her in his arms but thinking of another man—or even another place. Could a man be envious of a place, especially a place that lay a far distance away? “Without you, I have no future.”

“With me, you may not have one either. I am uncertain if I am capable of going on.”

His stomach dropped with her declaration, and tendrils of ice coursed through him.

He didn’t want to think about what he’d do if she pushed him away, told him not even a friendship could exist between them. It would be more than he could handle.

Lettie could survive years of camp life and hardship, but he couldn’t even live past the rejection of a woman.

Not a woman.

His woman.

Lettie, Lady Colette Hughes, was the only woman he’d ever envisioned himself with. Wedding and starting a family with. Living in town or the country—hell, he’d move to Scotland if that’s what she demanded of him. Anywhere she longed to be, he would follow. Any purpose in life she settled on, he would wholeheartedly support.

There was no other option for Daniel.

He loved her so entirely, without her, he’d have no will to go on. He would not sink back into his rakehell ways. No. He would simply cease to be.

“Tell me, Lettie, tell me you will at least try.” His voice cracked on the final word.

“My heart wants all you offer.” Lettie lowered her head. “However, my mind is unable to reconcile it all. Does the heart have the ability to love two men so entirely?”

His back stiffened and hope soared. “Are you saying you love me?”

She shook her head as if to banish her muddled thoughts and lifted her eyes to meet his once more. “Daniel, my heart has always loved you—it was my mind that wouldn’t give in to the emotion, fearing your drinking and debauchery would rip my heart out and leave me destitute. However, I chose another…and here I am, still destitute.”

Daniel saw the regret in her. “You did what you thought was right. I can never blame you for that. At the time, I was not prepared for a woman of your caliber. I likely would have hurt you.”

“But you are different now?”

“Of course,” he whispered. “I have realized my missteps, dealt with the loss of my father, and I know—without a doubt—that you are the woman I want by my side for eternity. If the eternity is spent in London, that is where we shall be. If you deem a life in the country suits you best, we will travel there. Hell, if you want to live on a schooner in the Atlantic Ocean, I will learn to swim and fish.”

“The place is not important,” she sighed. “A place cannot make me whole again.”

“Then what, Lettie? What will make you whole again?” he demanded patiently.

“I do not know. I may never know, but because of you, I want to try.” She ran her hands through her short hair and stood.

His heart soared. “What are you saying?” He needed her confirmation, to know she wanted him by her side to help her find herself once more.