Page 84 of Bastard Bartender

I walk up to the counter and lean into it, trying to plead my case. “I know you want to live your life to the edge, but what are you trying to prove with these asinine experiences?”

He clenches his jaw as he looks away, seeming conflicted by what he wants to say.

“You know, Evette, you said I give you relationship whiplash when you’re the one who needs to look in the mirror. You want a man who is a rebel, but the truth is, you want someone you can control.”

I raise my eyebrows. “Excuse me?”

“Your grandfather was this awesome, badass guy, and you revere him. You love the bad boy, as you say, but they aren’t good for you. Why do you think that is?”

“I suppose you’re going to enlighten me.”

“It’s time you stop blaming your shitty ex-boyfriends for your failed relationships.”

My jaw drops. Metaphorically, I have to sweep it off the floor. “I can’t believe you said that.”

“You like men who are willing to take chances because you’re too scared to take them on your own.”

He pours another shot for himself, but I reach out, stealing it from his hand, and down the amber liquid myself.

With a dramatic slam of the glass on the counter, I look at him. “I’m not afraid of anything.”

“You moved to Vegas on a whim, but it wasn’t really. You made sure you had a secure job and a place to live. At work, you have that ass of a partner because you’re probably frightened to take the reins by yourself. At the bars, you need Marie by your side to help you make the first impression. You fear heights. You fear commitment—”

“You’re one to talk.”

“At least I’m honest with what I want in a relationship. You get a man, a good fucking guy like me, and you want to change him because you can’t handle being in a relationship with a risk-taker. It doesn’t fit into your box of what you can manipulate.”

“I’ve never tried to change you. I just don’t want you to get hurt!” I shout.

“It’s my life, and I’ll do what I want,” he counters.

“You’re not invincible, Nic. You’re indecisive and impulsive. It’s going to cost you someday.”

“Then, it costs me. I’m willing to lose everything.”

His words are like a stab to my gut. The air from my chest is lost as I absorb the fact that he just said nothing is important to him.

Not even me.

“Shit, baby, I’m sorry.” He walks around the counter quickly and places his arms around my waist. “That was extreme, and I’m sorry.”

I turn away, but he places his knuckles under my chin and forces me to look up at him. I refuse, yet I can feel his hard stare on me as he wills me with his touches and his whispers for me to look at him.

“I fell for you because you were different from other women. You love my wild side, and you challenge me in a way no one else has. But you’ve never tried to make me someone I’m not. Don’t start now.”

“Or what?” I look up into the heat of his stare as I feel his hands tighten on my sides and pull me in.

“I can’t be with you if you try to hold me back.”

I close my eyes and take a deep, heavy breath. Changing who Nic is wasn’t on the agenda. That fear in my gut at what he is about to do tomorrow still haunts me, but if being with him is accepting this part of his life, I’m going to have to take this chance or risk not having him in my life.

“This isn’t about holding you back. Did I stop you from leaping off the cliff into a waterfall or falling out of a plane?”

“We weren’t together then.”

With a groan, I admit he’s right. I am most definitely trying to control his wicked behavior, but it’s only because I can’t bear the thought of him being hurt.

“Now that we’re together, I don’t get a say?”