Page 95 of Pure Abandon

“Don’t make me feel crazy, Gabriel. Whose underwear did I find?” It’s a simple question.

Staring at me, his eyes search mine for something. An answer? A reason? I don’t know.

His lean, strong frame looks downtrodden. From his perfectly straight nose to the cheekbones that make him one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen, only sad features mask his melancholy face.

I stare back at him and wait for him to do something. His jaw remains clenched and his eyes grow redder as they continue to glower back at me.

“Good-bye, Kathryn,” Gabriel says, turning to the left and walking out our bedroom door. He slams the door behind him as he leaves down the hall, down the stairs, out the front door, and out of my life.

I sit on the bed and grab the house phone. Reluctantly, I make the call and have the conversation I’ve been dreading for days. Gwen promises to have Jackson here first thing in the morning.

I wake not knowing what day or time it is. Hell, I don’t really know where I am.

I’m home. It’s Sunday. And my husband’s side of the bed is empty. Proof my greatest nightmare has become a reality.

Throwing the comforters off my body, I get up and head into the bathroom and run the water. I slept in my suit last night, too intent on crying to change my clothes.

Unbuttoning my shirt, I see my bikini top. I rip it off in haste, desperate to wipe away my sins. I do the same with my skirt and bikini bottom. If I could, I’d burn them.

Stepping into the shower, I let the hot water wash away all traces of Asher from my body. The way he kissed me, caressed me, all the memories. Taking the loofah, I scrub my body raw.

It’s no use. I can sanitize my skin, but I can’t erase his touch or, more importantly, his words.

“I. Want. You. Kathryn. I want you. I want you. I want you!”

Get out of my head, Asher!

“Fuck it… I need you.”

Please. Stop.

“What you’ve done to me in the last few weeks has been amazing… You make me thirsty for more. And I’m not ready to give that up.”

His words are still sweet in my head.

“If you walk out that door, it’s over between us. I know it.”

I walked out on Asher. And Gabriel walked out on me.

As promised, Gwen pulls up bright and early with my sweet angel in tow. And in a very un-Gwen fashion, she doesn’t say a word. I’m grateful for the silence.

Jackson and I spend the morning playing with his shape sorter. I try to teach him the different colors and shapes and how each one fits in a very special tiny hole designed just for it. The point is lost on his little mind, and all he wants to do is eat the blue circle shape.

Jackson has enough of the shapes and takes off for the couch. His chubby little legs crawl across the room, and he uses the cushions to raise himself up in a standing position. He must be very proud of himself because he looks behind him and sends me a beaming smile. I clap my hands and applaud for him. He claps as well.

I take a few of his shapes and place them on the edge of the couch, forcing him to cruise along the length of the couch. He does it like a pro. He should. He’s been practicing this little trick for weeks. I clap for him again and he claps back.

Just when I think he’s done with his tricks for the day, he brazenly turns around and stands freely with his weight against the couch. I’m surprised by his ability. I clap once again, but this time, Jackson doesn’t clap back.

With determined eyes, he heads toward me. His hands up in the air, he takes a small wobbling step toward me and braces his weight midair. I put my hands out in an attempt to catch him if he falls. I’m close but far enough for him to walk to me.

“Come on, Jackson, walk to Mama.” My arms are spread out, and I encourage my angel to walk forward. Jackson takes another wobbling step with his other foot and follows it with a quick step with the other before crashing into my arms.

“You did it!” I beam, kissing him all over his face. “You walked to Mommy!”

For the first time in a while, I cry not of sadness or irritation. No, these are happy tears. I am exactly where I’m supposed to be.

After the morning’s excitement, Jackson is ready for a nap. I lay him upstairs in his crib and grab the monitor before coming downstairs. He should get at least two hours of sleep.