Page 2 of Pure Abandon

“It was your turn.” His voice becomes slightly muffled as he rolls over and hugs his pillow.

If someone had told me that drunken night at McCloon’s this was the life we would lead, I wouldn’t have believed them.

But here we are… taking turns.

I take a deep breath before sliding back into the bed. Today is a big day for me. After walking away from a career I loved and worked so hard for, I’m finally going back.

Two years ago, I gave it up. I’d just found out I was pregnant, and due to a complicated pregnancy, the doctor ordered me on bed rest. I had been working eighty-hour weeks, scouting locations all over the country and field producing for a production company. Once the doctor said I had to stop for the sake of my baby, I didn’t think twice.

One day, with my feet propped up on the arm of the sofa, lying on my back, Gabriel sat down beside me and we had a major discussion. We decided if my job was too high stress to grow a baby, then it certainly wasn’t the type to raise a baby with. I lay in bed for seven months and spent the last thirteen at home with my son.

And while I’ve enjoyed my time with Jackson, I always knew I was going back.

Working is in my blood. My father was the most disciplined person I knew. I like to think I got my work ethic from him. My mother is another story. Her job was to look pretty and spend money. I never wanted to be like her.

It was difficult to find a new job in my field that met Gabriel’s demands—no travel, easy commute, time with the family—so once Malory called to tell me there was an opening at Asher-Marks Communications, I jumped on board. For one, it’s an incredible job that’s close to home and offers little travel. More than that, I get to work with Malory again.

Malory and I met at a small production company six years ago. I was fresh out of college and ready to take on the world. Five years my senior, Malory was my mentor. My very cool mentor with whom I gossiped over pink margaritas at Rosa Mexicana. But while my life went the marriage and baby route, her career blossomed, taking her to senior producer of Asher-Marks Communications, producing concerts, award shows, and even the Super Bowl halftime show. I was so consumed with my at-home life that I chose nights at home with Gabriel over soirees at Cipriani. My Facebook page has honeymoon photos and baby pictures. Hers has pictures of cocktail parties and Twitter posts from celebrities. A lot can happen in two years.

I’ve barely closed my eyes before the alarm goes off at six a.m. Pushing the comforter from my body, I roll my legs off the bed and pull out into a long stretch. I’m not used to getting up for work anymore.

If I could just rest my eyes for two more minutes…

“Oh no, you don’t!” I say to myself and shake off the need to go back to sleep.

Rolling my neck from side to side, I notice Gabriel is already in the shower.

Knowing I’d have trouble getting up in the morning, I was smart enough to shower before bed last night. I was too excited to go to sleep, so I had to do something with my time. Of course, as soon as I dozed off, Jackson woke me up, and now, with only two hours of sleep, I have to make myself look like a sophisticated businesswoman.

I walk into our small walk-in closet and pull out an outfit I specifically picked for today: an Albert Nipon ivory crepe pantsuit with a V-neck jacket adorned with a gold zipper in the front and an ivory belt. Since Memorial Day weekend just passed a few weeks ago, I can now safely wear white without committing a fashion faux pas. The suit is sophisticated and stylish yet casual enough to wear to work. This I bought with Malory in mind. Everyone knows women dress to impress other women.

I head into the bathroom in an attempt to, as my mother would say, “put my face on.” Opening the makeup bag, I unload my arsenal. If I learned one thing living with my mother, it was a girl needs her war paint before she goes into everyday combat. Due to last night’s lack of sleep, I have dark circles under my eyes. I slather on concealer, add a pinch of bronzer for color and line my eyes with a soft black before adding some mascara.

After having changed in our room, Gabriel walks into the bathroom. “You look nice.” He sounds slightly surprised.

I look back at my reflection. It is a vast improvement from the yoga pants, tank tops, and messy bun I’ve been sporting.

Gabriel, as always, looks handsome in his navy suit, crisp white shirt, and sapphire tie. It’s the one I bought him last year, along with new dress socks. A practical gift. I remember when I once bought him a bong and a thong.

“What do you want to do for dinner?” Gabriel asks, combing his hair while leaning over the double vanity.

I love his hair. It’s dark and wavy, a beautiful contrast to his blue eyes.

“I was thinking we could order in. I want to make sure I spend time with Jackson tonight.”

Today will be Jackson’s first day home without me. I know they say women can’t have it all—a career and a family—but I certainly am going to try. And if I have to forgo a home-cooked meal every once in a while to spend extra time with my son, that’s what I’m going to do.

Gabriel wipes the pads of his fingertips across his forehead; his disapproving eyes meeting mine through the mirror. “I let the nanny in while you were sleeping.”

I hold up my hand, pointing a finger in the air in warning. “Don’t.”

His mouth pulls in as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “How can you possibly expect me to be comfortable having a stranger home with Jack all day?” He looks back at me for a reaction. “It doesn’t even make sense financially. Between the cost of the nanny and the price for commuting, it’s just not worth it.” Gabriel has been against me returning to work. He loves me at home with the baby. I understand his concern, but I can’t take him pressing the issue again.

Running the brush through my hair, I let the soft brown curls fall down my back. I stare back at tired green eyes. This will have to do.

Turning my back to the mirror, I lean against the vanity and face Gabriel. “We still have your college loans to pay off. And some day we’ll have Jackson’s college loans to pay off. I can’t stay home forever.”

Gabriel puts his hands on his hips and lets out a hard breath. “I know. I know,” he says as if he’s trying to convince himself.