Page 101 of Wild Abandon

“Who did you say your sister was?” She suspiciously eyes me.

“Elizabeth Teller,” I give the name with confidence.

The nurse’s face falls. She must be well versed in this patient’s chart. “Come this way.”

The nurse escorts me down the hall, and when we approach room A302, she opens the door and stands by Elizabeth’s bed, checking the fluid in the IV.

Standing by the doorway, I hesitate with entering. This feels like an invasion of privacy. But the nurse is looking at me, probably wondering why I’m not rushing to my sister’s bedside.

I take a few hesitant steps forward and sit at the bedside chair. Elizabeth is in the bed. She’s so small, her body crumpled in. She’s probably in her thirties, yet up close, she looks fifty, aged by the physical disabilities. Her wrists are thin and curved in. The infinity symbol that’s identical to Nate’s is wrinkled from the folded skin. She is breathing peacefully. Her eyes are deep in slumber.

The nurse reaches down on the bed and lifts the television remote. “Click the red button if you need anything.”

I nod in thanks as she exits, and I face Elizabeth. She sounded like a spitfire. I wonder what she was doing the day her life altered.

Did she wake up to a naked Nate, rumpled in the sheets and kissing her neck? Did he rub her back and tell her he loved her?

Maybe she went for brunch with girlfriends and gossiped about their men. She had waffles. And a Bloody Mary. After brunch, she headed to the dance studio where the little girls in their tutus adored her. Nate came by to pick her up from work with Willie Mays on his leash. Together, they walked, hand in hand, stopping at a little market where he picked up fresh ingredients for the dinner he had planned. At home, she took a long bath while he made her favorite dish. They drank whiskey on the rocks and made love by the fire. When she went to sleep, she woke up a different woman.

We’re always told we should live like it’s the last day. Do today what you can’t do tomorrow. But we don’t. We all have reminders in our lives. My friend Emma lost brother who was only twenty-one. Naomi lost a forty-year-old aunt to cancer. We hear these stories. We hug our families. We make bucket lists. We vow to live life to the fullest. And we do. For a moment. And then life gets in the way.

Maybe if we stopped trying to live the perfect life, finding the end, we’d be able to enjoy the moments more.

I don’t know Elizabeth, but I know this. She lived. She loved.

She might not have done all the things she’d planned, but she took chances.

On a dare, she took a chance on a beautiful man.

“We’re similar, you and me,” I say out loud, unaware if she can hear me or not. “I took a chance on love once, too. It wasn’t as successful, but it was fun. I guess it’s the creative types in us. We dare to take a risk.

“I stopped taking risks in love though. You found your soul mate. I’m still looking for mine. You are so loved, Elizabeth. You might not know it, but I hope you do. You are loved by a man who has been dedicating his life to make sure you are cared for, comfortable, and that you are forever the pillar of his existence. If I can gain an ounce of that love from someone, I will consider myself the luckiest girl in the world.”

I wipe a falling tear from my face. And then I use the back of my hand to get the rest.

I lean forward and rest my elbows on the bed. “I heard you are a phenomenal dancer. Do you miss performing? I don’t. I never cared for the crowds. It made it seem impersonal. I enjoy the intimate moments. The times I play my songs for small groups. Like at the vineyard.”

I bite my nail and look up at her, unmoving, but from the slight rise and fall of her chest, I can see she’s still asleep.

“Elizabeth, if you were to wake up tomorrow, would you change your path? Is there something you’ve always wanted to try but never did? I picked up from my life and left it behind. I told myself it was to find love, but what I really think I was looking for was me. I lost myself somewhere. Taking a job that wasn’t fulfilling. Living in a city that wasn’t for me. Dressing like someone I wasn’t. I found my soul in Napa. Ed said I brought his home back to him. But what he really did was bring my soul back to me.

“Elizabeth, you don’t know me, but I wish you did. I wish Nate’s heart didn’t hurt the way it does. I wish you could be happy again.”

And that’s when I realize that I love Nate more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. I can honestly say I’d rather Nate live forever in happiness with Elizabeth than the life of despair he is currently in. I would give anything for her to be able to love him again.

The door behind me opens, and the shadows of two people appear on the wall, the light from the hallway casting behind them into the darkened room.

“Your father is here,” the nurse says.

I freeze. My heart starts beating a million miles a minute, and my throat goes dry.

Elizabeth’s father is here.

How am I supposed to explain to this man who I am or why I’m here?

I turn around and am relieved that he’s not in the room. It’s just the nurse standing with a glass vase.

A glass vase filled with gorgeous burgundy roses that grow in the Napa sunshine.