Page 55 of A Really Bad Idea

“I hate that guy,” he declares.

“You couldn’t have been too upset about it. You lost your virginity to Simone Cagney after that dance.”

Man, he must hate that I know so much about him.

“True.” His body turns, and he gives me his full attention. “It could have been you.”

I have to pause and try to think if there was ever a time I thought Christian liked me in the slightest sense. For all the years I’ve known him, especially back then, I’ve never known him to be attracted to me.

“You would have waited a long time. I didn’t give it up until I was almost twenty.”

“I should have waited,” he states.

I let out a sharp laugh. “I knew you junior year, and there was no way you would have waited another four years to have sex. Hormone-laden Christian Gallagher was impossible to keep up with. I tried. I kept a tally in my diary. Wow, that sounds creepy. I wasn’t a stalker. Just curious—”

“I should have waited.” He’s serious.

I had a huge crush on him in grade school, and from what he’s saying, it sounds like he liked me in high school. Somewhere along the line, that attraction morphed into a friendship that triumphed over a relationship.

“Where’s all this coming from?” I ask, looking up into his face.

His jaw is pronounced as he pushes back his broad shoulders and inhales. “I don’t want to be like him.”

I tilt my head in confusion.

“He doesn’t even know his son is allergic to shellfish,” he explains.

Seeing the truth in someone is an extraordinary experience. Christian is a confident man, proud of himself, and doesn’t hide who he is. For as long as I’ve known him, he’s always been self-assured, nearly to borderline cockiness. But this, here, is the second time he’s brought up this concern, so it’s deep and valid.

“The fact that you’re worried you will be that kind of father speaks volumes. It means, you’ll never let yourself be that way.”

“I live selfishly.” His voice rises. “I know I’m a good guy, but my life has been about what I want to do and when. I’m always going to be a doctor first. My career will always be my priority.”

There’s a tinge of anger in his eyes, widening and glassy. His fear is deep-seated and not something to brush aside. I grab his face and pull his attention toward me.

“Look down, and you reveal your fears. Look up, and you overthink your obstacles. The trick is to look forward,” I repeat his words from the bridge, bringing his focus right into my eyes. I hold his gaze and try to seek with every bit of conviction in my body that place in his soul that’s telling him he’s not good enough. “Even if our child only sees you one day a month, they will be the luckiest kid in the world because a smart, giving man is their father. You are out there, saving lives. You are building a career, so your future family will have everything they’ve ever dreamed of. And, because you want to do this with me now so that you’ll be able to have more years, more opportunity to love your child, it means you are going to be an amazing father.”

His eyes fall to the side. “You don’t know that.”

“Did you tell anyone about us?”

He squints his eyes in question and hesitates for a moment. “I told my dad.”

“You only got to choose one person to tell, and you chose your dad?” I feign surprise even though it makes perfect sense that he turned to his father.

His answer is effortless and exactly what I knew he’d say. “He’s my best friend.”

I smile big and raise my brows in realization for him. How he can’t see it at this moment is beyond me. “That right there is why you’re gonna make an amazing father, Christian. Family has always come first for you. This baby will be no different.”

His hand glides over to my cheek, and his thumb gently rubs a circle on my skin. “How did I get so lucky to have you in my life?”

I lift my eyes to heaven. “You just happened to choose a lunatic for a best friend.”

My sarcasm is met with a smoldering expression. His all-consuming stare is making my heart race. I have to close my eyes to escape it.

“For the record, I really wish you had waited,” I whisper.

I let out a long breath and open my eyes. It’s so dark in here, but it only takes me a moment to adjust and see his piercing eyes looking deep into mine.