Page 86 of True Abandon

“What girl hasn’t been hurt by a guy?”

“Many,” I answer. Just from talking with Lani about her love for life and boys, I know she’s never in her life been traumatized by a man. Or my mom. She is the most accepting person in the world, and that comes from her love of my dad. Hell, I can probably think of ten more if I went through the strong women who have come into my life. And even if they were hurt, they didn’t let it eat at them all these years.

Auli’i’s words about forgiveness echo in my ear. When you forgive others, you forgive yourself.

“Kelli, we can’t go on like this. Everything happens in our minds. We get stuck in this vicious loop of hate that we can’t move past, but we’re responsible for how we feel. We’re responsible for how we let the world affect us. If we let the bad overcome our souls, then we’ll never be truly good.”

Her eyes are glazed over. There’s disobedience in her stance. She’s not truly ready for forgiveness.

“Roland fired me,” she lets go of her arms and holds them out. “Happy? You told me not to sleep with people I work with, and you were right. He said I was a whore and couldn’t let someone of my caliber work at his hotel.”

I step forward and try to hug her, but she pulls away.

“Why can men sleep around but when women do they’re trash?” she asks, but I honestly don’t know the answer. “It happened to me before. Right before you moved to Connecticut. I was the school piranha. Sleep with one jock your freshman year, and you’re labeled loose and ready by the entire school.”

My shoulders fall. “I didn’t know that. Well, I did, but I thought that was the reputation you wanted, not what was given. We’re not the labels other give to us.”

She wipes a tear that has fallen from her eye. Despite the emotion, she holds her head high. “I know that. That’s why I’m the warrior. I do what I want with who I want. Who cares what they think?”

By her performed defiance, it’s obvious to see she cares what others think—a lot.

“You’re more than what some loser called you in high school. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. If it wasn’t for you, I don’t know how I would have survived those years after Jax.”

“That’s why I don’t understand how you could be hanging out with him the way you are.”

I take a deep breath and walk toward her again. This time, she lets me put my hand on her arm. “I know you don’t understand, but I need you to be on my side on this one. I’m trying to heal. This is a good thing. I promise you.”

She wipes her cheeks again and gives her shoulders a shake. “Gah, whatever. Fine, come here.” She motions her hands for me to give her a hug. “This all so melodramatic.”

I practically jump into her embrace. We’re doing a dance-like hug then she pulls away and says, “What the hell am I going to do now? I need to start looking for a new job.”

A wild thought pops into my head. “Actually. I have a crazy job for you. It’s a private appointment, and you have to let me pay you.”

She shifts on her hip. “How crazy?”

I walk to the door and grab my keys. “Get your shoes. We’re going shopping.”

…

“You’re blonde!”

“Surprise,” I hold up my hands toward Eric as I take my seat at the Birds of Paradise restaurant.

Kelli spent the entire day stripping and coloring my hair. Somewhere around the time my head was a faint color of orange, I panicked, but she assured me it would look stunning when she was through.

She wasn’t lying. All that training at Manhattan salons paid off—my best friend is one hell of a hair stylist.

“At first I was trying to figure out why this strange woman was walking up to the table and then I realized it was you.” He reaches for his napkin and puts it on his lap. “Now you can answer the age-old question. Do blondes have more fun?”

I shrug while placing my napkin on my lap.

Kal approaches the table and addresses us with the daily specials. He tallies off the market price of the oysters, the fish of the day, the soup du jour, and lists three entrees all while I stare at him, waiting to see if he notices me.

When he’s done, he takes out his ordering pad. With a wide smile, I stare at him and wait for him to notice—

“Oh snap. What did you do to your hair?” Kal’s brows are practically in his hairline with surprise.

I laugh at his response. “Kelli did it.”