Page 23 of True Abandon

“It’s pretty. I’ve never seen one in electric blue, I…” And this is when I realize by the smirk on his face, that I’ve been caught. “I was checking for injuries,” I defend. “So, do they mean anything or do you just wander into any tattoo parlor drunk and stoned and select what you want?”

Jax whistles through his teeth. “Someone grew up to be judgy.”

And just like that, the Catholic guilt sets in. I may hate him, but that shouldn’t change who I am or how I treat people. I wouldn’t be here if I weren’t being true to myself.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” his words are curt. His jaw is set in a hard clench, his eyes focused deep into mine, the caramel hue turning to a fierce copper. “Don’t ever apologize. Especially to me. You’re right. I’m a soulless monster.” Jax raises his good arm and holds it up. “See this one,” he says, pointing to a clover on the inside of his bicep, “blasted on Guinness in Dublin. And this,” he bends his elbow, and on his forearm is a trail of feathers extending to his wrist. “I just thought they were pretty.”

“What about the dragon?” I lean forward in the chair, my elbows propped on my knees. “Fire breathing over your heart. That seems way too coincidental to be a drunken purchase.”

“Best and worst of humanity.” He raises his chin. “So what about you? You still a blank canvas?”

I take a moment to decide if I should show him mine. It’s personal, something that took months for me to perfect on paper before letting it be etched on my skin.

“Just one.” I raise my sweatshirt over my head leaving me in my tank top. I turn around in the recliner, swipe my hair to the side and pull back the straps to showcase the phoenix on my shoulder blade. It is mostly black with a faint outline of marigold and amber around the features. The bird’s head is held high, facing away from my shoulder, ready to soar. The wings are up and outstretched in a proud display. It’s not too big, and it’s not too small. I can cover it with a shirt or showcase it for all to see.

“When did you get it?” he asks as I put my hair back in place.

“When I started college.”

He gives an understanding nod and looks around the room. “It really is dark in here.”

“Do you still sleep with a nightlight? You always were a chicken.”

“That’s because you used to make me watch those damn scary movies. And it wasn’t like we could watch them together. We had to talk on the phone while I sat alone, in my room watching Jason or Freddy or whatever freak with a mask you were obsessing over mutilate people.”

I laugh out loud. He may have this new hard exterior all tatted up and full of muscle, but he’s still a wimp.

I shake my head. “What would your fans say?”

“Calm yourself there, Hogan. I’ve grown up quite a bit since then. I may still believe in ghosts, but I can handle my own in any situation,” he says, flexing his muscles. “How’s your family?”

Swaying from side to side I answer, “Dad’s still a workaholic. He was promoted to Regional Manager, so he’s pretty happy. My mom works for a great dentist in Cheshire. Everyone’s content.”

“That’s where you moved to?”

I turn my head to the side and rub a hand over my head. “Yeah. It’s in Connecticut.” With a nod, I turn back to Jax and ask, “So, how’s Ella? She has a daughter.”

“Vivian.” His face lights up as he says her name. “She’s awesome. Five-years-old and the funniest kid you’ll ever meet. I’m teaching her how to play the guitar. Her little fingers can’t get the chords, but she’ll catch on.”

“I can see you love her very much.”

A blush creeps up his face. “She has this beautiful face which makes you think she’s this sweet little girl—which she is—but she’s also feisty as hell. She wants to do everything faster and better than everyone else. I took her to the park, and there were these kids, maybe eight or nine-years-old, playing soccer. She went over and asked if she could join, but they told her she was too little. She came off the field with her lower lip sticking out, and this scowl on her forehead. She sat on the sidelines and watched. They started playing, and they’re passing to one another and trying to score, but no one gets a goal. Viv’s little head went left to right and back and forth, watching this game until, suddenly, she jumps up, charges and steals the ball from this kid twice her size and dribbles it to make a spectacular goal. I mean, the ball flew twenty feet. The goalie dove and everything. Their jaws were hanging. They couldn’t believe this pip-squeak stole their game. Instead of celebrating, she just turned around, marched off the field, and said, ‘Come on, Unc. Let’s go home.’”

I let out a sharp laugh that makes me lean forward. “She sounds like a little spitfire.”

“She is. Ella is gonna have her hands full with that one.” His dimples appear as he smiles.

I’m just about to ask about his relationship with Ella when the Law & Order theme song sounds. I look down at my phone. It’s Kevin. Why in the world is he calling me at five in the morning? I answer it in case it’s an emergency.

“Hi, babe, are you okay?” I say into the phone.

“Yeah, I’m just checking on you,” he says, and I relax a bit. I look up at Jax who is watching me on the phone.

I rise from my chair to find privacy. “I’m fine. Hang on one second.” I put Kevin on mute and then open the door to the hallway. It is now lined with people, many of them asleep, some talking to others. I don’t want Kevin to know I’m in a hospital, so I need to find somewhere quiet. The hallway is not going to be that spot. I don’t think there will be a quiet spot anywhere for the rest of the night.

Backing through the door, I close it behind me and walk into the bathroom of Jax’s hospital room. Safely enclosed in the tiny space, I talk low, “Sorry about that.”