Page 52 of Kilted Sins

When the smith wrapped the sword in cloth and handed it to her, Enya almost regretted saying she would take it to Cillian on her own. It was, indeed, a heavy blade, much heavier than what she was used to, but she held it in both hands and made her way to Cillian’s study, knocking and entering once he called her in.

The moment their eyes met, Enya froze and so did Cillian. Thankfully, he was the only one in the room, hunched over a stack of papers that he had been perusing.

“Come in,” said Cillian rather stiffly, sitting in his chair with his back straight. In the pale sun of the morning, the scant sunlight shining in through the window, he looked more handsome than ever, the light carving the lines and curves of his face. But he also seemed exhausted to Enya. Dark, heavy circles dragged down his eyes and even as he sat stiffly, there was a downward slope to his shoulders that betrayed his fatigue.

“Am I interruptin’ yer work?” Enya asked tentatively for lack of anything better to say.

“Nay,” said Cillian, gesturing at her to take a seat across from him. Enya approach but didn’t sit down. Instead, she gingerly placed the sword on top of all the paper stacks on Cillian’s desk and took a step back, looking at him expectantly. “What is this?”

“I had it made fer ye,” she said. “I… I thought ye might like it. It was before…”

Cillian looked at her with a small, confused frown as he reached for the package, unwrapping it. When he saw the sword, his eyes widened, mouth hanging open in disbelief.

“Ye’re a good laird, Cillian,” she said earnestly, pouring everything she felt for him in those few words. “I ken that ye doubt yerself, but I’ve seen everythin’ ye dae fer yer clan, an’ I ken yer faither would be very proud o’ ye. Ye shouldnae doubt yerself. Ye’re a good laird an’ a good man. They couldnae have asked fer anyone better.”

Cillian’s eyes shone in the sunlight. He sniffed, a hand coming up to scratch the back of his neck as the other traced the contours of the sword. When his hand closed around the hilt and he stood, he wielded it with such easy confidence that it only proved everything Enya had told him.

“I ken what I did was wrong an’ I will regret it every day o’ me life,” Enya said. It was difficult to get the words out, as though there was a knot in her throat which hardly allowed her to speak, but she needed Cillian to know how she felt. “An’ if ye hate me, I cannae blame ye. I did it because I was too afraid tae lose ye… fer I have fallen fer ye.”

The confession took a lot more out of Enya than she had thought it would. Her bottom lip trembled with emotion and the effort it took to keep herself from crying, but she was determined to make this as easy for Cillian as possible. If he was going to reject her, then she didn’t want him to feel any guilt over it just because she couldn’t control her own emotions, and at the same time, if he was going to forgive her, she wanted him to forgive her not because he felt sorry for her, but rather because he truly wanted to.

For a moment, Cillian said nothing. He only stared at the sword, lips pursed into a thin line, and then placed it gently on the desk once more before he came to stand in front of Enya, shaking his head.

“I dinnae hate ye,” he said. “I could never hate ye.”

Cillian cupped Enya’s face in his hands, thumbs stroking small circles on her cheeks. The two of them stared at each other, lost in each other’s gaze, and all Enya wanted was to curl into him, extending that moment forever.

When Cillian’s lips pressed against hers, Enya gasped in surprise. She had spent so many days thinking she would never get to have this again, but there Cillian was, kissing her like her betrayal had never come to pass.

When they parted, Cillian didn’t pull back from her. He only held her close, hands sliding down to her waist as she rested her head on his shoulder.

“I’ve been thinkin’ about all this,” he said. “I was angry, that much is true, but I always came back tae the same thing.”

Pulling back just enough to look at him, Enya asked, “What?”

Cillian took a deep breath, held it, then gave her a small smile. “That I love ye. I kept tryin’ tae convince meself I dinnae, but I dae, Enya. I love ye an’ there is naethin’ that can change that.”

It was then that Enya couldn’t hold back the tears anymore, but this time, they were tears of happiness. She kissed Cillian again, unable to be away from him for even a moment. She needed him like she needed air, as though she would stop breathing if they parted at all.

Still, there was the shadow of his betrothal to Thora hanging over their heads, and Enya knew Cillian was as well aware of this as she was. It had already been arranged and sanctioned. Even though Enya and Thora were from the same clan and even though Thora would surely agree, there was always the matter of the two councils, who could refuse. Enya doubted her bother or the elders of her clan would try to come between them, but she couldn’t say the same for Cillian’s council. Save for Archibald and Duncan, she didn’t know any of them well.

“We should speak tae the council,” said Cillian, echoing Enya’s thoughts. He grabbed her hand and began to pull her towards the door, much to Enya’s surprise.

“Right the now?” she asked, wide-eyed, her heart picking up its rhythm.

“Och, aye. The sooner, the better.”

Enya didn’t know if she quite agreed with that, but she supposed it was something that needed to be done. She couldn’t avoid it forever, and no matter what the response would be, she would have to be strong—if not for herself, then for Cillian, who had already gone through so much.

“Archibald!” Cillian shouted as he marched down the hallways, dragging Enya along behind him. “Archibald!”

On the ground floor, Archibald emerged from the drawing room, his concern written plainly on his face. He had paled as if all the blood had been drained from him and Enya couldn’t help but feel sorry for how much Cillian had upset him with his shouting.

“What is it?” Archibald asked. “Are ye alright? Did somethin’ happen?”

“I need ye tae call the council,” said Cillian.

“Right now?”