Page 62 of Married to her Kilted Enemy

To her disappointment, Alana shook her head sadly. “I dinnae think so, nae really, nae in the same way. There’s been too much water under the bridge. Like I told ye before, if he can leave me like that once, he could dae it again. I’m nae prepared tae put me heart on the line only fer him tae break it again.”

“But surely, ye can be good friends?” Maddison suggested, unwilling to give up hope.

Once more, she was let down by Alana’s response. “Nay, I cannae see it, nae even as a friend. Nae after all that’s happened between us. I told ye before, I made a vow tae meself nae tae take the risk of him hurtin’ me again like he did before. I couldnae take it.”

“I havetae confess, I’m sorry that’s the way ye feel, Alana,” Maddison told her, feeling sad for both the healer and for Tadgh. She could not help wondering how he felt about it. Odhrán would be saddened by Alana’s decision, she knew. He wanted his friend to find the same happiness as him. “Mayhap ye’ll find love with someone else.”

“Mayhap,” Alana said, but she sounded very doubtful. “I’m very busy with me work, and there’s always more fer me tae learn. Honestly, Maddy, I’m happy as I am. I dinnae need a man to fulfil me.”

They talked a while longer, enjoying the fine weather and admiring the gardens before Alana said she ought to get back to work. She was still doing the rounds of some of the worst injured from the battle.

“If ye need another pair of hands, just say the word,” Maddison told her, eager to help.

“I will, ye can be sure of it, but some of the healers from the outlyin’ villages have been pitchin’ in, so we’re quite well off fer help at the moment. Ye’ll have tae find some other way to distract yerself while Odhrán’s busy.” She shot Maddison a knowing look.

“Ach, ye can read me like a book,” Maddison protested with a smile. “I think I’ll find a cozy spot in the library and read for a while, until me husband is free. Did I tell ye, he’s been teaching me tae fight with a knife?” she added, suddenly remembering, as she wondered if Odhrán would have time for her lesson that evening. “I’ve only had a few lessons so far, but he says I’m doin’ well. It disnae feel much like it though. I’m covered in bruises.” She laughed and rubbed her backside.

“I have a salve fer that,” Alana told her with a chuckle. “I’m sure Odhrán would enjoy rubbin’ it in fer ye.”

They giggled together before parting, Alana heading for the infirmary, and Maddison deciding to go and read for a while, hoping Odhrán would appear before too long. It was surprising to her just how much she missed him, even if he was gone only for a few hours. She supposed that was what it was like to be truly in love with someone; ye wanted to be with them every moment, and she knew that was how she felt about him.

However, he had not appeared by dinner time, so she ate in their chambers with one of the books Odhrán had chosen for her on her knee. After a while, she felt tired and decided to get into bed with her book, hoping he would soon come in to join her. She changed into her night things and clambered into bed, which felt very empty without him in it. But instead of reading, her mind drifted to their idyllic time by the loch before they had been interrupted by Rollo and his men. She thought it had been the most wonderful day of her life, and she could not wait to repeat it.

Her mind wandered back to when she had told him she loved him and the look of astonished disbelief on his face. Picturing it, her heart melted all over again. Then, remembering what Alana had mentioned earlier when she had congratulated them on finding love and trying to let go of their nightmarish pasts, to make a fresh start together. Maddison recalled saying much the same thing to Odhrán. But when she thought about it more deeply, she wondered if she could really manage to, and if so, how would she go about it?

But before she could come up with an answer, she must have dozed off. The next thing she remembered was waking up next to Odhrán, who was fast asleep. She tried to cuddle up to him and get back to sleep herself, but for some reason she couldn’t. The question of how to let go of her past nagged at her until she was wide awake.

Finally, some kind of answer began to form in her mind. Slipping carefully from the bed, so as not to wake him, she went to the desk and scribbled him a quick note to tell him where she was going in case he woke up and was worried. Then, she threw a woolen cloak over her nightdress and stepped into her slippers before taking a lighted lamp and quietly leaving the room.

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Odhrán awoke with start. Blurry from sleep, he groped for Maddison next to him. When she was not there and he realized her side of the sheet was cold, he instantly awoke. He sat up, rubbing his eyes, looking around the chamber.

“Maddy?” he called, but there was no reply. His heart began thumping in his chest, and it was only when he got up and lit a lamp that he saw the note propped up against the vase of flowers on the table. He quickly scanned it, then got dressed as fast as he could before taking the lamp and leaving the room.

Following the route that had once been so familiar to him, he went down the stairs and slipped out of the keep and around the side of the building until he came to the oak metal-studded door. It screeched loudly as he pushed it open. The familiar vile stench assailed his nostrils as he paused at the top of the stairs and, looking down, saw a light flickering.

He ran down quickly and soon spied Maddison standing in the main area, looking down at a book she was holding in her hand. He knew for a fact there were no prisoners down there, and the dungeon master was elsewhere. They were quite alone, him and Maddison, just as they had been when she was his father’s prisoner and he had visited her as often as he could.

She looked up and smiled when she saw him coming down the stairs. “Ye found me note then,” she said.

“Aye.” He nodded and placed his lamp next to hers on a rough wooden table nearby, before coming to join her. “What are ye doin’ in this place at this time of night?” he asked, putting an arm around her shoulder, as if to assure himself she was safe.

“Och, I could nae sleep, and I was thinkin’ about what we were sayin’ before, about the lettin’ go of the past. I suppose I wanted tae come back here tae see how it would feel. I spent so many lonely hours locked up down here alone, a prisoner of the Lennox clan. I wanted tae see if it would feel any different now that I’m Lady Lennox.”

“And how does it feel?” he asked, curious to know.

“It makes me want tae put it all behind me, tae start afresh with ye. I feel I needed tae see the place one last time before I could bury all the bad memories and face the future with ye. I want tae start clean, tae give us the best chance of lasting happiness.”

“I kent ye’d have tae come back here sometime,” he admitted. “I’m a wee bit surprised it’s taken ye this long.”

“I didnae want tae forget it then. I needed the memories tae feed me hatred. But now I’m in love with ye, I dinnae need it anymore.”

He nodded, understanding completely, having had to let go of his father’s evil legacy. “What’s that book yer holdin’?”

She handed it to him. “’Tis one of those ye brought fer me tae read tae pass the time.”

“Aye, I recognize it,” he said, turning it over in his hands.