Page 52 of A Kilted Marriage of Convenience

CHAPTERTWENTY-SEVEN

Aidan stood in front of his study window, watching the courtyard below. There was a slight wind and it whipped leaves in the air outside, where the workers were scurrying around, finding shelter for their goods. It was an unusual season for rain, but from time to time it poured hard on the keep. From the sound of the wind, it seemed like it would be a heavy downpour.

Aidan took a swig from the bottle of whiskey he had been gripping tightly around its neck. His face was flushed and hot, the bottle halfway gone. The weather outside was mirroring how he felt inside. There was a tempest of emotions raging within him, and he felt like they would tear through him, leaving him in shreds.

He had sent Ciara away. He still could not believe that he had gone through with it.

He had gone to bed the night before, dizzy from drink. This time, he had remembered to slam the door shut with his shoulder, locking it with the key and securing the deadbolt in place.

However, he had woken up early the next morning to find himself on the floor at the far end of the room, feeling a sting on his scalp near his hairline. He touched it, and it felt like a wound that had dried.

Of course, he had sleepwalked again. A violent headache had ripped through his head, and he felt nausea building within him. He had dragged himself quietly into a crouch, and then stood with a herculean effort. He had gotten out of his clothes then had a cold bath which had restored most of his senses.

It had also brought with it painful memories of the things Aidan had been running from all night. He had remembered his orders to Darragh and had wondered if it was necessary for him to go through with it. With cold certainty, Aidan had decided that he was on the right track, and that there were no alternatives. He had then decided to get impeccably dressed, before going to inform Ciara of his decision to send her away.

A slight drizzle started outside the window, and Aidan watched the rain distractedly. He thought about the look on Ciara’s face when he had told her that he planned to send her away. He had noticed how disheveled she had looked when she had opened the door that morning. It had occurred to him then that she had probably had an equally rough night. He had assumed her puffy face and cheeks were the result of constant crying.

In that moment, seeing her face swollen from tears and her eyes red with grief, Aidan had almost lost his nerve. But he was prepared and had steeled his resolve.

What Ciara had not known was that his hands had been shaking violently as he spoke. She had apologized to him, and begged to stay, but he had barely heard her, trying his hardest to stay in control of himself.

Aidan turned away from the window with a sigh as the rain began falling in sheets outside, and he walked to his seat where he slumped into the chair.

He leaned back and closed his eyes. He had gone through with it. When he had seen Ciara in the courtyard, it had suddenly occurred to him that it was probably the last time he would ever see her again.

Every cell in him had wanted to turn back and behold her one last time, but he had known deep within himself that he would have been unable to send her away if he did. So Aidan had kept walking until she was out of sight.

He tried to search for that burning anger he had felt that had propelled him to send her off and realized he could not find it anymore. All he found was the sinking feeling that he had made a terrible error. He glanced out the window as lightning flashed across the sky.

I hope ye made it safely to shore before this storm started. I hope ye are safe wherever ye are, Ciara.

A knock sounded softly on the door, and Aidan took a deep breath, hoping whoever it was would turn around and leave him in peace. However, the knock sounded again, more forcefully this time, and Aidan glared at the door angrily.

The knock sounded even louder the third time, and the door flew open as Darragh stepped into the room, followed closely by Lillie.

Cannae a man find peace in his own home?

Aidan stared daggers at his siblings who pointedly ignored him, instead taking seats opposite him. Darragh crossed his legs on the desk, settling in quietly whilst their sister folded her arms in front of her. For moments they just sat there in silence, the only sound coming from the rain pouring outside the window.

“I ken that Ciara hurt ye, brother.” Lillie was the one to break the silence. “I ken that it will probably take ye a while to forgive her, but one thing I am sure about is that she truly fell in love with ye. I ken she cares deeply for ye. Cannae ye find it in yer heart to forgive her?”

Aidan looked up at his sister with tired eyes. “Even if I wanted to dae that, it is already too late now. I sent her away, and by now she is probably already settled at the nunnery.”

“Aye,” Lillie replied, leaning forward in her seat. “She is gone, but nae forever, Aidan. It’s nae like she died, ye ken? Ye can always go get her back from the nunnery whenever ye chose. Ye are both suffering right now, neither more than the other. Would it be so terrible to put all the negative things that have happened behind us?”

The rain outside had abated slightly. Darragh tapped the desk quietly with his knuckles, his searching eyes piercing Aidan’s. Is there truly still a way out? He could not be sure.

And what? Tell a woman I had chased from my home to come back to me? How would I face her, kenning she begged me, and I turned her down?

“I dinnae ken if it works that way, Lillie,” Aidan declared finally, shaking his head. “Once she becomes a nun, she dedicates herself to the cause. The time for forgiveness has passed, sister, it is too late now.”

“Ye cannae give up just like that—” Lillie was cut off sharply as Aidan and Darragh simultaneously perked up in alarm.

Aidan looked outside at a sudden sound coming faintly from the courtyard down below.

The brothers sprang for the window together, but Aidan got there first, throwing it open to have a look at the cause of the commotion. He saw that there were several men with torches approaching the castle gates. He glanced at his brother, who shrugged as if to say he had no idea who would be visiting at this time.

Except these were no visitors. He looked closely at the leader of the group and was shocked to see that it was the guard who had been charged with taking Ciara to Iona’s nunnery. Darragh had recognized them too, turning quickly for the door.