Page 42 of How to Woo a Highlander

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Everyone in the castle was on edge, and Jane was numb with shock. It was so strange how yesterday had been normal, but now the castle was shaking with fear. It rubbed off on her as well. She had never seen war but knew that it was a grimy affair as her father had fought in plenty.

She had been left alone for the past few days as her father was still angry with her, Alastair was pretending she did not exist, and she was spending all her time locked in her chambers and crying. William had informed her that the clan was under attack and their engagement would need to be postponed once more. He apologized with a bow and left, saying he would notify her father.

She had followed, moved by the concern on William’s face, and gone to her father’s chambers with him. Her father had not been concerned and instead gave William an annoyed look, bursting out that if he had already married Jane, he would be facing no such problems. He also told William to be a man and deal with the problem quickly, making sure not to put Jane in any danger.

She had been upset by her father’s reaction and had walked out in a fit. She wasn’t sure why she had expected more warmth from her father for the man he wanted her to marry. Perhaps she simply did not understand war.

Now she was watching as everyone passed her with panicked expressions, busy as they were. She had hoped to catch a glimpse of Alastair somewhere in the melee. Alastair was William's right hand, and she knew that if William was ruffled, Alastair would be the same. She just wanted to make sure he was alright. Instead, she spotted Lain speaking with a guard and hurried to his side.

"Ye cannae be serious, that's suicide!" he exclaimed, totally oblivious to her presence. She grabbed his elbow, and he turned, noticing her.

"Oh, Jane, me apologies. I didnae see ye there," he said absently, his face frowning with concern.

"It is alright. You said something was suicide, what is?" she asked. His eyes lit up as he registered her question, his annoyance shining through.

"It's Alastair! The dobber is on his way to kill himself, I tell ye," he began. Jane's heart hit her throat.

"What?! What do you mean to kill himself?" she exclaimed.

"He’s going into the battlefield to face the enemy with only twenty men. Twenty men! The Grant army has over a thousand soldiers," he said, waving his hands as though to emphasize how ridiculous he felt Alastair's choice was.

Her thoughts were loud in her head as she registered Lain's words. She could imagine how easily they could be killed after attacking such a large army. What was he thinking? There would be no escape; he was offering himself as a lamb to the slaughter.

"Where is he?" she asked desperately, and Lain gestured in the general direction of the stables.

That was enough for her, and she took off running, reaching the stables just as the men were saddling their horses. She moved through the group, looking for Alastair and finally found him standing alone, stroking the mane of his huge stallion as he fed it sugar.

"There ye go, lad, ‘tis been a long run between me and ye... "

"Alastair," she called, drawing his attention to her. He turned at the sound of her voice, his eyes holding surprise for a moment, but it was gone as quickly as it appeared.

"What are ye doing here, Jane?" he asked, sounding unimpressed.

"No, Alastair, the question is, what are you doing? You're going on a suicide mission; you are going to die!" Her emotions rolled into one and came out as anger.

"It’s me duty, and I’m fulfilling it. If I die, then the gods may take me soul, but I will nae stand by and nae dae what is necessary," he added firmly.

Hot tears sprang up in her eyes, and she wiped at them angrily.

"Did you even think about how I would feel? How am I supposed to live if you die?" she asked, her voice shaky. He had not even bothered to tell her. Had he planned to leave for his death without even seeing her? His expression hardened at her words, and he glared at her.

"I think ye should leave, Miss Baxendale. What I dae with me life has nothin' to dae with ye. Please return to yer chambers; I must speak to me men," he said, dismissing her and mounting his horse.

She moved away as he passed her to begin addressing his men, looking every inch the leader.

"Lads," he began,"ye have been with me for years. Ye have fought by me side, and I have led ye through danger and back out each time. This time, however, I cannae promise ye… that we will return."

The men wore grim expressions, but none looked any less determined. Jane felt tears well in her eyes. This was a side of Alastair that she had never seen.

"What I can promise ye, however, is that this sacrifice will nae be in vain," he yelled, his voice rising with emotion. "They are plunderin' our lands, and they are killin' our people! We might go to the gods, but we shall take those wee shites with us!"

The men cheered their agreement.

"Takes those shites with us!" one of the men echoed. They only quieted down as Alastair began to speak again.

Jane wiped her eyes and moved away.