Page 27 of How to Woo a Highlander

What have I done?

His chest tightened as he remembered the feel of her in his arms. She was like the ultimate sin he did not want to stop committing. What was worse was the thoughts that continued to rattle around in his head.

Why did she kiss me back like that? Does this mean that she likes me? Is that a good thing? Is this not just an even bigger problem than before?

He had nothing but questions with no hope of an answer. He pressed a palm to his forehead before running his hand back through his hair. He chanced a glance at her. Her thighs were pressed together, and she was fiddling with the short sword in her hands. He wanted to reach out and take the sword lest she cut herself, but he was unable to speak. He was too cowardly at that moment.

He had thought she was talking about William, a man that remained unaffected by her charms? That was not his case. He was always affected by her, even when he didn’t want to be. The incident that just occurred was proof of that fact. He certainly hadn’t meant to lay his thoughts bare, or plan to kiss her.

He had meant to do William a favor and reassure her that his friend noticed her. Instead, he told her his thoughts and kissed her as he had wanted to for such a long time.

The memory played itself out in his head over and over. He had been speaking, and her lips looked so perfect, they practically pleaded with him to kiss them. Her eyes had been attentive and hopeful as she clung to his every word. Her voice when she spoke his name had been his undoing, and he wondered if he would be able to stop himself from getting involved with her a second time.

Chapter Thirteen

It was a bright and sunny day, and as the carriage maneuvered down the road, Jane could not stop feeling anxious no matter how much she tried to ignore it. The awkwardness in the carriage was palpable, and no one made a sound. She could not help but feel sorry for Lain as he stared between her and Alastair in confusion.

It had been two days since she had gone out to gamble and been caught by Alastair. It was two days since they shared their heated kiss, and Alastair had ignored her and avoided her like the plague, not sparing her a word and even avoiding her gaze at the table during breakfast.

At first, she thought it was nothing but nervous jitters the day they returned in the carriage. She had been quite shaken, the kiss playing itself over and over in her mind. She had gone to bed with difficulty, the thought of his lips on hers, and her body pressed against him, the only thing she could think about.

She had tossed and turned in bed, her body aflame with desire for him. She imagined it was the same for him. The kiss had not been enough for her. It caused her to crave him more. She could understand that for him, it was too difficult to continue looking at her that night but expected that by the next morning, he would be able to speak to her again.

She had seen him at breakfast, but to her surprise, he avoided her gaze and ate quickly, leaving her to talk to Lain. He made a point to leave the table once he was done with his meals, just like Suisan usually did. She thought that he avoided her so the others wouldn’t notice that something had happened between them and dismissed it.

Remembering her promise to Anderson, the stable boy, she had gone to the stables to find him and show him that she had survived her night of gambling in one piece. She, however, did not mention the fact that she had narrowly escaped a mauling and a rape. She did not want to worry him unnecessarily. After fulfilling her promise, she went to look for Alastair again, and that was when she realized he was avoiding her.

This realization had left her confused. She remembered that he had kissed her first. Could it be that he was regretting his actions? Was that why he was ignoring her? At the same time, guilt plagued her. She was to be married to William, but Alastair didn’t know. She felt as though she were cheating on both men, but it was easy to push this to the back of her mind since William was not at the castle.

That morning she stood in the courtyard waiting to run into Alastair when Lain came out to meet her. They had begun talking when he informed her that he was going to visit the home William had built for the orphans in the clan. According to Lain, William, with Alastair’s help, had made it to help the orphans who, just like Alastair, had nowhere to go.

He asked her to go with him, and she had agreed immediately. Not only was she touched and wanted to spend time with the children, she saw it as the perfect distraction from her feelings towards Alastair, and she could, at least for a while, stop thinking about him.

Unfortunately, the forces of life were against her finding peace of mind. As she entered the carriage waiting for the journey to commence, she and Lain got a surprise as Alastair boldly climbed into the carriage and sat opposite her.

How did he even know we were going anywhere?

Lain questioned his uninvited presence, and she could see that he was not happy with Alastair's uncalled for appearance. Alastair gave him a nonchalant mumble about wanting to revisit the orphanage. Lain seemed too unbothered to question him any further, and that was how they ended up in the current predicament.

She gave Alastair several glances and even caught his eye as he sat across her in the tiny carriage space. She tried to speak to him with her eyes, but he blankly stared back until she felt uncomfortable and turned away.

She sat now, nervously playing with her fingers. The air seemed to be getting thicker as she felt Alastair brazenly staring at her, despite not wanting to speak. She drew the curtains of the carriage open and poked her head out to escape the stuffiness inside. Her father's warnings about how she should never do such a thing flooded through her head, but she ignored them and took a long, deep breath of the wild Scottish air in a bid to steady herself before pulling her head back inside again.

She sat back down and met Lain's questioning look with an uneasy smile. She shrugged.

"I'm just very eager to see the orphanage," she said sheepishly. He gave her a small smile.

“We will be there soon,” he assured her. She nodded and smiled back, a little more genuinely this time. She could not bear to face Alastair but felt his eyes still boring into her as she turned back to her open window and stared outside again. She wondered to herself why she had not just faked a sudden illness when she saw him climb into the carriage along with them.

She sighed quietly and took a deep breath to stop herself from breaking the awkward silence with stupid and obvious questions. After what seemed like forever, Lain started up in an overly chirpy tone,

"We're here!" He almost sounded relieved as the carriage stopped, and he quickly hopped out of the carriage as though set on fire.

She almost laughed. It seemed the awkwardness had affected Lain as well. She sat back and waited for Alastair to leave first. He continued to look at her even as he exited the carriage, causing her to frown in irritation.

Why are you here? You certainly seemed eager to dismiss me yesterday and acted like you didn’t want to see me, so what are you doing here now?

The orphan’s home was a vast building situated in a large expanse of grassland. It was quiet and beautiful. Lain was standing at the carriage door waiting to help her out, but as soon as he offered his hand, the orphanage exploded with excited voices and sounds of fifty pairs of small feet running out to greet them.