Page 25 of How to Woo a Highlander

Alastair sighed and sat beside her while she wiped her eyes and sniffed. He patted her shoulder awkwardly, obviously wanting to be comforting but not knowing how. She almost laughed at him, turning to give him a skeptical look, which made him withdraw his hand in shame and clear his throat.

"What possessed ye to dress as a man and go to such a place anyway?" he asked, this time without anger in his voice. She glanced at him and found that he was staring at her. Unnerved, she looked away, looking at the floor instead.

"I was only tired and needed some respite. I felt like I was being pushed from all sides. I received a message from my father, once again telling me what to do… I know that I cannot defy him, but I just needed some time to myself," she sobbed.

Glancing his way and seeing his raised eyebrow, she shrugged and confessed.

"I used to do this in England. I just decided to try it here as well". As she spoke, he nodded in realization before chuckling.

"That makes a lot more sense, although I must admit, I am surprised. Ye didnae mention these excitin' habits of yers in our previous discussions." His voice was teasing, and she turned to him in surprise to find laughter in his eyes.

She was not sure how to react and stared at him in shock. Seeing her face, he burst out laughing.

"Is it so surprisin' that I would be informal with ye?" he asked. To which she nodded, making him laugh again.

"No, really, it is surprising.”

In all of their conversations, they had remained careful around each other, as though walking on eggshells. They were never quite able to break the invisible wall between them, but it seemed that wall was well and truly broken now after the dangerous situation they had escaped.

"Dae ye mind me being informal with ye?" he asked.

"No, of course not," she assured him, smiling to show her sincerity. They stayed silent for a few moments, and he stared at her as though deep in thought.

"If ye had an option and could choose for yerself what to dae with yer life, what would ye dae?" he asked.

Jane considered it for a moment. What would she want if she were left to choose for herself? She did not have any particular aspirations since she had always just done what her father expected of her.

She also did not have any particular interests apart from books. She had already read an entire library full.

"I think I would be a writer," she finally said. "I love books. I told you how I used to sneak into my father's office to read."

Alastair chuckled. "Aye, ye mentioned. I'm beginning to think that ye are fond of sneakin' around."

This time she laughed as well. "What about you?" she asked. He gave her a questioning look.

"What about me?" He repeated the question, sounding confused.

"Yes, what about you? Is there anything you would rather do? Anything you would want to change?" He looked away for a moment, seeming to mull it over.

"I dinnae think there is anythin' I would change right now. I am somewhat alone, but I always have been, with me parents gone, and now me sister. It can be lonely, but I cannae spend time thinking about how it would be otherwise."

Jane stared at her feet; she should not have asked. She had forgotten how troubled his past was. However, she did not think he should let it control his future as much as he did.

"Where did your sister go?" she asked tentatively. All he had said was that she had left. She worried that it was a sensitive topic for him, and although he was being informal with her, she did not want to cross any boundaries.

He sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs and holding his head in his hands.

"She went to France," he said, his eyes far away. "It was abrupt, and she didnae care what I said. She only kissed me goodbye and told me she wouldnae be returnin' to the Highlands."

Jane frowned. She could imagine how hurt he must have been. His sister was his only remaining family. Why would she abandon him in that way?

"Do you know why she decided to leave?" she asked softly. Alastair sighed.

"Nay, I dinnae ken. I think it was because she was heartbroken. She left in a hurry, but there was a torn letter in her hands, which she refused to let me see, and there was a sadness in her resolve.".

Her eyebrows raised. How bad could it have been that she decided to leave the country?

"I tried to find out what had happened, but it was useless. She was in love, and she’d been hurt, so she left. Unfortunately, I didnae matter in the face of her hurt."