Page 99 of No Fear

“You do remember your SERE training, right?”

“What?” What the fuck did survival, evasion, resistance and escape training have to do with this?

“Do you remember your SERE training?” Sam repeated. “Or do I need to send you back for a refresher?”

“I remember. Why?”

“What is one of the most important tactics they teach you?”

SERE pushed you to limits you never thought existed. Taught you how to get through physical and mental torture and interrogation. How to survive, escape, and evade in the worst conditions. How to keep a positive mental attitude throughout. Not everyone made it through SERE. Physically, most could take it. Mentally, many couldn’t.

“Mindset.” Donnie answered, now understanding why Sam was bringing it up. But he scoffed, “This is different.”

“Why?”

“I’m not in enemy territory. Not on an op. This is a battle I have no control over.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. You do have control. Perhaps not over how much sight you get back, but you control how you handle it. You also know from that training that a positive mindset is everything. This fucked up self-pity I’m hearing about is not what I expect from an Onyx operator. You don't give up before the finish line. You keep fighting. That is what we do. You said this isn't an op. I disagree. This is probably the most important op of your life.”

Donnie swallowed. Sam’s voice was as steady and calm as always. Calm and in control. Something he had always admired. The man didn't rattle easily. Donnie was rattled. He was fucking scared.

“It’s OK to be scared,” Sam said, as though reading his mind. “But it’s not OK to give up the fight. You’re stronger than that. Better than that. And you have Onyx supporting you. You need to get your shit together because you are still an Onyx operator, and I am still your captain.” The firm, pulling-rank tone was not something Sam did very often. It felt like a bucket of ice water.

“Yes, sir,” Donnie said automatically.

“Good. Because when we find the Aziz brothers, I expect you to be back with your team to go take them down in whatever capacity you can. Unless you want to quit?” Sam challenged.

Donnie flinched. Quit wasn’t a word he’d ever associated with himself and hearing it from his captain hit home. Hard.

“No, sir, I don't want to quit,” he said honestly.

“Then I expect you to start acting like it. Show me that you still want to be here at Onyx. Get back to physical training. Start eating right. It’s your eyes that aren't working, not your body. Get yourself ready for when your sight returns.”

“Yes, sir.” He hated Sam was calling him out, but he had needed to hear it. More than he realized.

“Good.”

Donnie’s shoulders relaxed, glad the ‘talking to’ tone had gone. He was fucking lucky to be a part of Onyx, and he respected the hell out of Sam. He wanted to keep his place on Onyx. He couldn’t imagine doing anything else. But—

“What if my sight isn’t good enough to be a sniper?” he asked quietly.

“Then we’ll discuss the options then. What’s important is that Dr. Swanson believes you will get some sight back. This complete blindness is temporary. You should be fucking celebrating, not stewing in self-pity.”

“It’s hard, Sam. I never thought about what might happen if...” Emotion filled his voice and he tried to swallow it down. “This team means everything to me.”

“Hard is what Onyx does. You guys have overcome challenges many wouldn’t. This is no different.”

Donnie took a drink of water to get himself together. He already knew he had the best team ever. These men would always have his back. No matter what.

“You got a lot of people around you who want to help. Sophie, Claire, and a certain lovely young lady that I just met. Start letting them,” Sam said.

Charlie. He needed to apologize. Again. Had she really left?

“Is Charlie inside?”

“No.”

Donnie cursed. He was a fucking idiot.