Page 50 of No Fear

Donnie didn’t answer right away.

Finally, he said, “Yes. Not as much as I used to. But I’ll see something that reminds me of him. Hear a song on the radio. It happens. Especially around that time of year.”

She nodded. “Yeah, me, too. I can go weeks not thinking about him and then boom! He’s in my head every day. I know lots of brothers and sisters fight, but we rarely did. Some nights, he would sit at the end of my bed and tell me funny stories. Especially if he sensed I’d had a bad day at school.”

“He loved you very much.”

“I know. He was a great brother. I was lucky to have both of you watching out for me. School was hard, but it was a little easier when you guys were there. I wish he was here.”

“I’m sorry I haven't been there for you, but I am here now. I mean it, Charlie. You can talk to me.”

She gave him a weak smile. “Thank you.”

“Did you speak to Maddie?” he asked softly.

“I called, but she was asleep. Rough day.”

“You two have a great friendship.”

“The best. I don’t know what I would have done without her all these years.”

A few minutes of silence, then Charlie asked what she’d been wondering for ten years. “Do you ever think about what might have been? If that phone call hadn't come that night?”

Donnie met her eyes. His gaze intense.

“All the time.”

***

DONNIE WANTED TO FUCKING cheer when she said she’d ended things with Simon, but he kept himself in check. No wonder Simon was angry when he left the hotel. Fucker got what he deserved. Donnie was damn glad he’d been there. The guy had been off his head and who knows what he might have done if Donnie hadn't interrupted them.

“Do you?” he asked, getting back to the question Charlie had asked.

She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “Sometimes. I don't think much would be different. I mean I would have still got my degree. I love my job. Maybe I’d still be in Albany. Nate, too. He might be married, with a child. I would babysit.” She gave him a sad smile.

“And what about us?”

“Maybe we would have dated, but it probably wouldn't have worked out. Perhaps I would still have dated Simon. Who knows, right?” She drank some wine, averting her gaze. She was lying, but he wasn't going to push her. She lowered her glass. “I told you mine, so tell me yours.”

Donnie sat back. “I imagine we would have dated. Fell in love, got married. You would have got your degree. I would be a cop. In Albany. We would have a little house, close to our families, Maddie, Nate. Nate would be our kid’s godfather, obviously. Maddie godmother. We would be madly in love and surrounded by people we care about.”

He lifted his glass and took a drink. It sounded pretty fucking wonderful to him. Charlie was looking at him open-mouthed. Her cheeks flushed. He waited until eventually she took a sip of wine.

“You’re just trying to make me feel better,” she said with a little laugh.

“No. I’m not. It’s the truth.” The Donnie from back then would have been very happy with that life. Sadly, he wasn’t the same Donnie.

“Well. It doesn't really matter now, does it? Nate died. You left. So, I guess we’ll never know.” She looked away.

He wanted to say so much, but she had just ended her relationship with Simon. It was too soon. He cared for her. A lot. The attraction was still there. Even in leggings and a T-shirt, no make-up, messed up hair and puffy eyes, he was drawn to her.

He had never really had a preference for a type of woman. He didn’t care if they were blonde, brunette, tall, short, thin or curvy. He’d had his fair share of dates and hook ups, and each time, something different attracted him. He remained physically attracted to Charlie, but there was a deeper connection there. Yes, they had Nate as a bond, but it was more than that. He’d never felt this need to protect, cherish, or make a woman his with anyone else.

A knock at the door broke the silence.

“It’s just room service.” Donnie smiled and got up to let them in. Daniel wheeled in a trolley with two covered plates on it.

“I thought you worked bar?” Donnie said.