Page 34 of No Fear

“Are you fucking kidding me? Best for who? You? It sure as hell wasn't best for me.”

Her cussing had shocked him. Too bad. She was pissed now. The anger she worked so hard in therapy to let go of came roaring back.

“Charlie, leaving wasn’t an easy decision. I thought I was doing the right thing. Maybe it wasn’t. I can't change it now, and nothing is going to bring Nate back.”

“No, it’s not. But why you left matters to me. You left me, your own family, my family who thought of you as another son. How you thought that was good for any of us makes no sense. If you meant anything you said that night, you would have stayed.”

“It wasn't that simple.”

“No? Seems pretty simple to me. You ran away.”

“You don’t understand.”

“No. I don’t. So, make me understand.”

When Donnie didn't answer she stood. “This is a waste of time. You came to apologize, and you did that. You can clear your conscience. Goodbye, Donnie.”

She half walked; half ran through the lobby.

“Charlie, wait!”

She heard him but didn’t stop until she was out on the street. The tears spilled over, and she put on her sunglasses. Damn him. She started walking. Twenty minutes later, she sat on a bench at Toronto’s Harborfront Centre, looking out over the rippling water of Lake Ontario. The beautiful view calmed her, and she breathed in the fresh air as her tears dried. It was just after nine. Definitely not too early to call Maddie.

“How could you?” she said by way of greeting.

“Oh, God. What happened?”

“You know what happened. You told him where I was, and you didn’t even warn me.”

“I’m sorry. I thought the two of you needed to talk. If I told you, you might have bailed.”

“You should have warned me. I was not ready for this. It was not your decision whether I talked to him or not.”

“I’ve just been so worried about you lately and... It doesn't matter. You’re right. I overstepped. I’m sorry. Truly.” Maddie’s voice was quiet.

Charlie sighed. She couldn’t stay mad at her best friend. It’s not like she had a lot of friends, and right now, she needed her more than ever.

“Well, it’s done now. For what it was worth.”

“What did he say?”

“He apologized.”

“That’s good, isn't it?”

“Not really. He still didn't explain why he left.” She sniffed.

“You sound upset.”

“Of course, I’m upset. It brought it all back. That night, him, Nate.” She blinked back more tears. “I’ve missed him, and I hate to admit that because he really hurt me.”

“I know. I’ve been by your side the past ten years. I know you’ve never forgotten him. You care about him. Donnie was as close to Nate as you were, and that’s not something that’s ever going to change. We’re all grown up now, Charlie. All of us. Perhaps it's time to finally let it go.”

Charlie closed her eyes. No one knew Nate better than Donnie. The two of them had been inseparable. She had forgiven him, but could she move past it? Look at him and not feel the physical pain in her heart?

Or the heat that flooded parts of my body that it had no business doing.

“It’s not that easy, Maddie.”