Page 19 of Royal Bastard

“What other—?” His words cut off when I kissed him. Everybody should be out of the office by now, and I knew we were safe.

“This one, baby. This one that I can’t get enough of.” I breathed him in as I pressed my lips to his again. God, he tasted so good!

I lost myself in his touch, in the way he made the world disappear, and stopped the worry that plagued me. Later, when I was at home in my own bed, I thought about the world he’d offered me. Where love ruled, and mutual respect was given.

I’d been alone after Aaron kicked me out of the house. The authorities had attempted to contact my parents when I was put into the hospital, but even then, they’d turned their backs on me. Appearance was everything to them and I’d shamed them once by getting pregnant before I was married. I made it worse when I needed psychiatric care. Instead of the care I needed, I was only given more abandonment. Now, Henry gave me more than I would have ever asked for.

He was my lover, maybe even my boyfriend? That word seemed wrong, but lover was too intimate a word for everyday use. Boyfriend seemed juvenile, but it was the only one that fit. He was quickly becoming more of a partner. We’d opened a dialogue today, a way to communicate, and it was far more than I’d ever had with that other man who used to be in my life.

I didn’t even want to think his name anymore. The father of my children had been a real piece of work and I’d allowed him to walk all over me. I could see that now. Rather than be the responsible older man I’d thought he was, he was too immature to know he needed to use a condom. If he’d worn a condom I wouldn’t have become pregnant. We might have split up and moved on with our lives. I wouldn’t have carried around that guilt of ruining his medical career that never was, and we wouldn’t have had the girls. I wouldn’t change that part, but I would change the part where I was such a doormat. I’d have told Aaron where he could shove his restrictions, his alienation of everybody else in my life.

He’d wanted to keep me alone and guilty, that’s how he managed to have a lover and a wife, I never questioned him because he was all I had, but I wouldn’t make that same mistake. Henry would meet me on equal grounds or on no grounds at all. I’d gone through hell and I’d go through it again to get my girls back. No man was ever going to take them from me again.

I knew if I wanted the relationship to work, that I’d have to work at it, and give him the time he needed. I had to be a mother to my children, and a friend and lover to him. I’d grown up a lot since my husband decided he’d had enough of me. I was glad he was gone and out of my life. I now had a man who wanted to give me the world, but also wanted me to reach for it. He wanted me to get it for myself, not just take what I was given.

I rolled over and stuck my hand under the pillow. I sighed as my hand found the cool spot and wished I’d gone home with Henry tonight as well. I wanted to wait until I was done at his office before I went back over there. We were both adults, but I really didn’t want to jeopardize anything for him. There was also the fact I’d only started to unload my guilt over Aaron, I didn’t want to put more on top of that.

In the grand scheme of things, it was all easily dealt with now that Henry had hired a lawyer for me. I knew what direction we were headed in, and he knew where I stood. I didn’t want to rush anything. I’d had the wedding bells once in life already, I knew what they were about. I’d move to have a new position and my girls would soon be where they belonged.

Henry had brought me a romance I never dreamed was possible, something I believe is love, and the possibility to get my children back. He really was my prince charming. So why wasn’t I happy? Why was I alone in my bed, chewing away at my thumbnail, when I should be over there with him?

With a sigh I kicked my feet out across the bed and thought about how only a few short days ago I reveled in doing that. Now I was worried I’d be alone for the rest of my life. I was worried about that because I felt as if I might push Henry away too much. I doubt anyone could blame me for my caution, but was I too cautious? Would my fears ruin the best thing that had happened to me in a long time?

I’d been pushed out into a world that was not meant for me, by my parents, by Aaron, and I had gone through hell to get to where I was now. A tiny apartment, secondhand clothes, and some pride. Soon, I’d have my girls back, and a man who adored me. I’d succeeded where I’d been meant to fail. So why was I awake and so afraid it was all about to fall down around my ears?