Page 65 of Not Mine To Love

I reacted badly, telling him that he didn’t love me and that I couldn’t love him. He walked out the door, and I sat there and cried. What had gotten into me? What was wrong with me? Why hadn’t I stopped him from leaving? Why had I denied the love we felt for each other?

I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I didn’t have any answers, and I didn’t know what to do next.

9

I sat next to Dana feeling totally in awe of her. The website she had created for me looked amazing.

“Wow, Dana. Seriously, just wow. This is impressive. Absolutely amazing.”

“Well, don’t just thank me, Mac and Douglas helped too.”

I arched a brow at the mention of Douglas. “How’s he doing, by the way? Still madly in love with his ex?”

Dana shot me an apologetic look. “Very much so. Except she’s not his ex anymore. I think they’re getting married soon. I think seeing you with him was a reality check for her.”

“Of course,” I said bitterly.

Dana looked guilty. “Sorry about that, again. Next time I hook you up with someone, I’ll make sure that they’re very single.”

“There won’t be a next time,” I said shortly. Dana didn’t know all the details about what had happened between Julius and me, and I really didn’t plan to tell her, but I didn’t want her to get any bright ideas about setting me up with someone else.

“Did you call him back?”

I pretended to not know what she was talking about. “Call who back?”

“That guy who has been calling you nonstop since you got here. I’m guessing that’s Julius. Why don’t you call him? What did the poor guy do that was so terrible?”

“No,” I said grumpily. “I’m not calling him back.”

“Someone’s in love,” Dana said in a sing-song voice.

I rolled my eyes. “I thought you were supposed to be the mature one.”

“Maturity is overrated,” she said, changing the subject as she asked me about fonts and color choices for my website.

I couldn’t get over her, “Someone’s in love,” comment. I wasn’t in love. I was, but it wasn’t as if it was noticeable. Or was it? What did someone in love look like?

When Dad had fallen in love with Lori, he walked around with more confidence. He smiled more, and I would catch him sometimes just sitting around whistling. He had become a whole new person. It was almost as if the weight of love had relieved some of his stress and anxiety of life. That was what love did—it made life better.

And truth be told, I felt different when I fell for Julius. I felt more optimistic and the world seemed like less of a scary place. But if that was true, why was I still ignoring his calls and pretending he didn’t exist? Even I couldn’t figure me out.

“Dana,” I said with hesitation in my voice, “how did you know that you were in love with Carter?”

She smiled. “Because even after years of not seeing him, when he showed up again, the world just seemed brighter. It was as if his presence made up for all the crap that was going on around me. Excuse me for not being very poetic, but his mere existence made my heart sing.”

I nodded. “Yeah, that sounds like love.”

Dana studied me, but didn’t say anything for a long while. “If you think you’re in love, just go for it.”

“But what if I’m wrong? What if it doesn’t work out?”

She shrugged “Then, oh well, at least you tried. Now how about this font? It’s one of my favorites. I think it says artistic yet sexy. What do you think?”

I murmured in agreement, but my mind was elsewhere. Did Julius make my heart sing?

After I left Dana’s office, I stopped by Piper’s place. She and her husband, Ty, asked me to stop by to go over my business plan. Ty ran a successful dating agency and that was actually how he had met Piper. They were both successful entrepreneurs, so I was thrilled that they were taking time out of their busy schedules to give me advice.

But when I got to Piper’s place, the first thing she said to me was, “Oh my gosh! I heard you’ve fallen in love.”