Page 45 of Boxer Next Door

“That isn’t a no, Lydia,” he said.

I grimaced. “What exactly is it that you want me to do, Ken? I can't make a decision now, considering how it’s going to affect my son. I want nothing but the best for him, but I have no idea what the best is in this situation.” I looked at him in sudden desperation, my eyes wide, body trembling. Ken saw the state I was in, and his own eyes widened in shock. “Ken, if you have some wisdom that will help me make this situation make sense, then I’m willing to listen to you. So just say it.”

He blinked at me, not answering for a long while. Then, I could see his whole body deflate, and it was his turn to look away from my gaze. He cleared his throat and slowly shook his head.

“I don’t have anything to say,” he admitted quietly.

I sighed out in a shudder. I’d known that would be his answer, but still. A part of me had hoped.

“So,” he started, “does this mean that this… is the end of us?”

No! The answer was internal and immediate, but I couldn’t say it out loud.

Seriously though. Fuck. We only just became a real thing after talking last night! I knew now that he wanted me. I was confident enough in the relationship to come out to my son and to let it go public. I was still worried about the age difference, but more because of what other people would think. I was sure my old hang-ups would have come back as I grew older, but that was for the future.

A future I might no longer have because stupid Mike chose the perfect time to visit. The sarcasm in that little tidbit had me snorting out loud.

“I don’t want us to end,” I admitted. “You’re one of the best things that has happened to me in a long time, Ken. I don’t want to let this go.”

“But…?” he prompted, arching an eyebrow my way.

I sniffled. “But I am so fucking confused. I don’t know what to think about that load of shit Mike told me. Supposedly, everything he did was for love, and you have no idea how much I’ve been cursing him since he decided to leave us. I wanted to erase him from my son’s mind. Once he was gone, I acted like he never existed in the first place. When I talked to my son about it, he was the one to give me reassurances. Whether I believed them or not, because he was so young at the time…”

My voice trailed off because my throat grew tight and itchy. I was blinking fast again, this time to hold back the tears that wanted to fall. Yeah, even if Bryson had told me his dad would come back, all I would have thought was my little boy was delusional because he missed his father.

Fuck! Why couldn’t things just be simple?

Out of nowhere, I felt an extra pair of arms circling me, pulling me into a wide, solid chest. I froze in place. But he wasn’t moving away, and little by little, I relaxed against him. I removed my arms from around myself and wrapped them around his waist, burying my face in his shoulder.

“It’s all right, Lydia,” he whispered, one of his hands carding through my hair.

I wanted to shout back that it wasn’t, that things would never be all right again. Instead, I sniffled and snuggled further into his arms.

“Look. If time is what you want, then you don’t need to worry. Trust me, Lydia, I do understand. I might not have gone through what you have, but I’ve had my own issues, and while they might not be any comparison, I know you need time to sort your thoughts out and decide what you want to do for your future.”

“I’m sorry, Ken,” I whispered, the sound muffled against his shoulder. I tightened my hug. “I’m so sorry.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for. And there’s no need to cry, alright? You need a clear head for this. Come on.”

He backed away from me, and I whimpered, refusing to let go. But he was patient, making soothing noises as he led me over to the couch, then sat me down. He wrapped the blanket around me, then disappeared into the kitchen. My body was shivering, as if I felt cold, so I didn’t leave the couch, curling myself under the blanket for warmth.

Ken was back minutes later, holding a mug.

“This is hot chocolate,” he said when he noticed me eyeing it. “I thought coffee wouldn’t be the best thing right now, and this usually calms you down. Besides, it’s the weekend, and neither of us has work.”

I rearranged myself, setting my feet on the floor and sitting upright so I could take the cup from him. My eyes were growing wet with how grateful I was to have this man around. Here I was, calling a halt to our still so new relationship, and he was worried about me.

“Thanks, Ken,” I said in a whisper. It wasn’t enough to show him my gratitude, but it would have to do for now. I took a sip of the hot chocolate and sighed. He knew just how I liked it, extra milk and sugar with just a touch of honey.

“It’s fine, Lydia. Just call me when you need me, all right? I’ll go home and clean my place up. I haven’t done it in days.”

He pecked a quick kiss on my forehead and then he was leaving. My chest tightened, my hands twitching against the mug. I wanted to follow after him, tell him he didn’t need to go. But the words wouldn’t get past my throat because I knew I needed to be alone, even if I didn’t like it.

So, I sat there and continued to drink the hot chocolate as I rearranged my thoughts into something that made sense.

The topic of thought was, of course, Mike. And what he’d done.

All of it, the divorce, disappearing for years, reappearing a rich man. All of it was for our sake. I could understand that much now.