Page 19 of Billionaire Retreat

“This was a great place to be a kid,” I said to her, avoiding the conversation I knew she wanted to have.

She had been the first one to notice the slight changes. After things went sour with Griffin I’d gone home to lick my wounds. I felt silly that a man could make me feel so bad. But he had.

I told Kenny I’d be back shortly. But what was supposed to have been only a few weeks turned into over a month. I was depressed and feeling listless. I knew I needed to try harder to be more resilient, but I tended to give up on things easily.

But I wouldn’t be allowed the luxury of that flaw anymore, I thought to myself, as I swung on the porch swing with Mom. In between us sat a little white plastic stick that told me I was pregnant.

“You know you can stay here as long as you want.”

I turned to look at her, full of love and gratitude. She was just an older version of me. We had the same color hair, the same color eyes… I briefly wondered if the child I was carrying would look like us too. But I couldn’t focus on such inconsequential things. I had to focus on what my mother was saying. I needed her now.

Her words meant a lot to me. She didn’t care that I was having a kid out of wedlock, no matter how conservative a town we lived in. My mother was a special woman who made her own rules and one day I hoped to make her proud.

“Thanks for that, Mom. I think I’ll need to take you up on that offer, at least until I get back on my feet.” I laughed bitterly. “Pregnant and unemployed at the ripe old age of 22. I sure know how to be successful, don’t I?”

“Don’t beat yourself up. Life’s a whirlwind, Nina. You never know what it has in store for you. You just have to roll with the punches or at least fight back.”

I needed to start learning how to fight. I had a lot to learn about life, about motherhood, and she was the best person I knew to teach me. I knew she’d be supportive of me, she always was. But part of me didn’t want her understanding. I wanted her to sound disappointed in me because I was disappointed in myself.

A long moment passed and then she said, “Are you going to contact the father?”

I nodded. “After the baby’s born. I don’t have the strength to really deal with it before then.”

I didn’t know if I could handle Griffin’s rejection again. I wanted to focus on the child growing inside of me and I didn’t want to deal with the stress of Griffin’s reaction. Not that I could guess how he would react. I hadn’t guessed he’d leave me after making love to me.

Truth be told, I didn’t even know how to contact him if I tried. My only contact with him had been on the island and we’d been too busy doing other things to ever exchange phone numbers. I didn’t even know his real name. I felt like such a cheap floozy. How could I not even know the name of the father of my child?

“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” my mom said yet again. “You’ll do fine.”

“I hope so. I have a great example.”

She squeezed my hand and went back inside. I folded my arms around my waist, giving myself a hug. I heard footsteps behind me expecting mom again, but it was my stepdad.

“How ya doing, angel?”

I attempted to smile, but failed. I shrugged. “Not too great, Dad.”

He nodded. “Well, you’re not going to feel any better moping around here. Let’s go build something.”

“Let’s go build something” was his motto every time I felt like crap. I wanted to tell him no. I wanted to tell him that he couldn’t comfort me through this as he had comforted me through childhood troubles, but the words froze in my throat. Maybe I did need to distract myself.

“Lead the way, Dad,” I said.

He smiled up at me proudly and I followed him towards his work shed. As we went, I looked at my old swing that still sat in the backyard. I looked out over the hillside where I used to run after butterflies and suddenly the butterflies in my stomach stopped fluttering. I no longer felt sick to my stomach. Maybe it would all be ok. Maybe, just maybe, being a mom would be something I’m good at. I touched my stomach, this time seeing promise instead of failure.

“Don’t worry little one, I won’t fail you.”

I shrugged off my fear and made a commitment to myself and to my baby to succeed. I didn’t know how to define success, but for my baby I was going to make it.

“I hope you’re ready for an adventure, little one.”

I shoved my bitterness and resentment towards Griffin out of my head. I wasn’t going to dwell on the pain. After all, it was a one night stand. It wasn’t love. At least that’s what I was going to keep telling myself until the pain either subsided or life became too busy that I would just simply have to ignore it.