Page 46 of Dancing On Air

“I know. But I’m sure she will be here soon.”

He did nothing to take her money, and couldn’t even look at her right now. He busied himself preparing to leave.

Eleanor slowly lowered her hand,realizing once more she had managed to hurt Connor when all she’d intended to do was to help him.

“All right, then,” she said, attaching the money pouch to her belt. “If you won’t take the money, then at least join me for something to eat.”

“Indeed,” he said in a sarcastic tone. “And where would we dine?” he asked, fastening the harness to the horse as he looked back up the road. “The abbey? Do you really think the abbess is going to invite an executioner to sup with her at her holy table?”

“The abbey is a safe haven for all those who travel and even accepts orphans left on the doorstep,” she told him.

“Aye, but do they accept the reapers of death as well? I sincerely doubt it.”

“Don’t call yourself that.”

“Why not? After all, that is the way everyone sees me now, so why pretend it isn’t true?”

“Stop it!” she said, becoming angry with the way he was acting. “I hate it when you talk like that.”

“Well, what did you expect me to do? Offer to bring the wine? Or how about saying, I will pick a bouquet of flowers for you, too, that we can place on the table? You make this sound as if we are courting, for God’s sake, when it is the furthest thing from the truth.”

Eleanor wanted to cry when he said that, because actual courting was the exact thing they had never had the opportunity to do. They were ripped apart before any real romance could have bloomed. It was also what she craved the most between them.

“You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, Connor. Instead, be thankful that someone like me still cares enough for you to even ask you to eat with me in the first place.”

“So, I should be thankful now, should I? Grateful for my life as a hangman? Is that what you’re saying?” She could tell his anger was bottled up inside him. He’d never stop torturing himself in this manner.

“No, of course not. That’s not what I meant.” She lowered her head. “I just wanted to spend time with you. I feel as if we were harshly torn apart much too soon, when we were always meant to be together.”

“That’s in the past. It’s all over now, sweetheart. That was naught but a dream crushed under the heel of the devil, and there is nothing we can do to get it back. Now, you’d best be on your way before someone sees you talking with me.”

“I don’t care who sees us! Can’t you understand that?” A wave of emotion ripped through her. It had been exciting to see him naked. Even now, she couldn’t stop staring at his naked chest and arms, wondering how it would feel to be pressed up close to him. He had developed into a man now, and she was a woman with needs. She needed his arms around her. She wanted his lips caressing hers. But none of this was ever going to happen when Connor could do nothing but pity himself and the way his life turned out.

“What I can’t understand is why you keep pursuing me,” said Connor. “Go live your life, Eleanor. Forget all about me because you are only hurting yourself with this girlish infatuation. It’s over between us. And for God’s sake stop following me around because it’s only making this whole damned thing harder on both of us.”

“Is that really what you want? For me to leave and never see you again?” Connor was shunning and dismissing her and she didn’t like it one bit. Everything about their situation made her feel sad. “All I wanted to do was to meet with you in private so we could talk and be alone together. Can’t you even allow me that?”

“If we do, it will only bring trouble.”

“You don’t know that! Besides, what difference does it even make? Can’t we at least enjoy what little time we have together?”

He let out a deep sigh, looking as if he had given up all hope, even if she hadn’t.

“I don’t know,” he mumbled, shaking his head.

“Please, Connor. Please, don’t turn me away.” She walked up to him and laid her hand on his arm. His eyes followed.

“You deserve someone better than me, Eleanor. Just forget about me and find a nobleman to marry.”

“I don’t want anyone but you.”

“If you won’t change that silly thought, then, you’ll end up being a nun after all and we both know it. We can never be together. Not ever.”

“Meet me at the home of Mr. and Mrs. Woods tomorrow morning. I’m going to bring the girls there for the day. I’ll be able to slip away for a few hours.”

“Eleanor, don’t put me in this position. There is nowhere for us to go. Nowhere that a hangman and a noblewoman could be that wouldn’t cause tongues to wag and eyebrows to raise. It’ll only put you in danger.”

“Nay, it won’t. I swear it. Mayhap we can sneak off to the woods where no one will see us.”

“It’s not a good idea. Sampson’s got guards patrolling the woods at all hours.”

“If you are going to push me away like this, at least allow me one day with you. A few hours. Time when we can be alone and talk. Just like we used to when we were young. When we were betrothed and supposed to be married.”

“Even if I do show up, this will change nothing between us, Eleanor.”

“Just be there,” she said, looking up, seeing Raven and Lark riding toward them. She reached up and kissed him on the mouth, and then rushed back to her horse. “See you tomorrow, bright and early,” she said, as she mounted her steed.

“I’ll think about it,” was all he said, but it was music to her ears. At least he didn’t outright say no. This gave her hope. Hope that she and Connor could be together again, even if it was only for a day or for an hour. Now, all she had to do was to come up with a way to save Connor from his awful life, because as he said, they could never end up together if he continued to be a hangman.