Page 38 of Dancing On Air

“You do, don’t you?”

Connor didn’t say a word. He had blamed his father, as well as himself. But saying that right now wasn’t going to help the situation.

“I drank away all our money, and now my children are going hungry.”

“I’ll take Leoric with me tomorrow to Marvane and we’ll clean out the gong pits,” said Connor.

His father’s head shot up. “Nay!” he growled. “Isn’t it bad enough that we kill people? I won’t let my sons shovel the shit of the man who made me this way.”

“Father, your own doings put you in this situation and you know it. In case you’re forgetting, you killed Lord Sampson’s brother.”

“How can I forget?” His father lowered his head again shaking it back and forth. “But honestly, I would do it all over again, because I was protecting the name of your mother.”

“What’s done is done,” said Connor. “But you’ve got to stop drinking so much. It only puts more stress on the family.”

“Do you know why I drink so much?” asked Wensel. “It’s because I cannot accept the fact that I’m an executioner.”

“I understand.”

“Do you? Do you really?” His father got up and started to pace the floor. “I have nightmares each night that are so terrifying I wake up in a cold sweat. I see the faces of those I’ve killed and they are all out to get me. So, before each execution I get drunk so I don’t have to realize what I’m even doing. Afterwards, I punish myself for what I did. I don’t like to see the widows crying for their husbands’ lives that I was responsible for taking. It pains me to see the children of the deceased crying for their dead fathers. So I punish myself and drink so I cannot feel that pain.”

“What do you mean?”

“Look,” said his father, pulling up his tunic, showing Connor the welts on his back and on the front of him too. Some of the wounds looked to be infected.

“God’s eyes, what did you do to yourself?” Connor jumped up and went over to inspect the wounds.

“This is what I do,” said his father, opening a drawer and pulling out a whip. “I whip myself for my sins. I punish myself not only for taking the lives of the prisoners, but also for ruining the lives of my own children, when all I wanted to do was to protect you.”

“Father,” said Connor, not able to believe what he was seeing and hearing. “I had no idea.”

“Of course not. I always did it away from you and your siblings so you wouldn’t know and try to stop me. I would have taken my own life long before now but didn’t. Because if I did, I knew you’d have to fulfill the role of hangman, and I didn’t want to do that to you, Son. You deserve so much better than this stinking life.”

“Then why have you been trying to convince me to pull the lever and do the executions?” asked Connor.

“Because, I am dying and we both know it. I only do that because I want you prepared when the day comes. I’m sorry that it has to come to this.” His father’s knees gave out and he fell to the floor.

“Father!” cried Connor, running to him, and picking him up in his arms. He carried him to the bed and laid him upon it. “You are still burning up with fever.”

“Let me die, Connor. My wounds are deeply infected and I can feel it eating away at me. There is nothing you can do to stop my death, and no healer will ever step foot into our cottage to even try to help me.”

“Nay, that’s not true,” said Connor. “I have sent for Rose, the wife of Lord Rook Blake. She is a gardener and will know how to use herbs to heal you. She should be here any day now. Just hold on. Help is on the way.”

“You did what?” he asked, and grimaced. “Nay, don’t get the Blake family involved. And stay away from Eleanor. It will only bring you both heartbreak.”

Before Connor had a chance to answer, the door to the bedroom swung open and Leoric stuck his head inside.

“Connor, come quickly,” he said.

“Not now, Leoric,” growled Connor. “Now leave us alone. I will be there shortly.”

“But someone is here to see you.”

“What?” He spun around to look at his brother. No one ever came to their cottage. In the entire time they’d lived in the woods, no visitors ever came to call, because of who Connor and his family were now. “What are you saying? Who is it?”

“Connor, it’s me,” said Eleanor, poking her head into the room. “I am here with my cousins, Ladies Raven and Lark. We have brought you something.”

“Bid the devil, Eleanor, how did you find me?”