Page 75 of Picking Up the Gauntlet

“I can’t,” he told her. “It’s not proper, and it certainly won’t be tolerated once you are married. Can we go now?”

“Nay. I’m not done.” He could see her becoming upset. If he wasn’t mistaken, her cheeks looked wet.

“Have you been crying?” he asked, stepping closer, reaching out to wipe away a stray tear.

“Oh, Jonathon.” She fell into his arms weeping. His arms closed around her, and he tried to comfort her, but was afraid someone might walk in and see them. He dropped his arms to his sides and pulled away.

“Why did you do that?” she asked with a sniffle.

“I did what is expected of me. Just as you need to do what is expected of you.” It hurt him to say it, but he knew it could never be any other way.

“Jonathon, don’t you understand? I don’t want any nobleman. I want you.”

“Me,” he said, biting the inside of his cheek, feeling so pathetic right now. She was a titled lady with everything she could want waiting in her future. He was a simple man whose biggest dream was to have enough money to eat the next day, and someday possibly own his own business. He had hoped to become a master at his trade, but that wasn’t going to happen any time soon. He had absolutely nothing to offer her that she didn’t already have for herself.

“Say something, Jonathon.” She looked up to him with those sad, glassy eyes that now looked scared and vulnerable. “Tell me what to do.”

Who was he to tell her anything? His opinion didn’t matter. All he wanted was to protect his family. Nothing he could do would change the outcome, and he’d be a fool to even think it could.

“Jonathon, speak to me. Please,” she begged.

“You don’t want me,” he told her in a low voice.

“Yes, I do. You’re the one I love.”

“Nay,” he said, becoming angry now. He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. “Snap out of it, Raven. You are living in such a dream world that you’re only hurting those who care about you.”

“W-what do you mean?”

“We can never be together, and you know it. Making love was a big mistake that is only going to come back to haunt us and hurt a lot of people in the end.”

“You think making love with me was a-a mistake?” she asked, blinking away her tears.

He sighed and looked the other way. What he really wanted to say to her was that he was head over heels in love with her, and that he wanted to marry her more than anything in the world. But how could he say that? It would only make things harder for her, and put a wedge between Raven and her father. Jonathon knew how important it was to Lord Corbett to have all his children marry nobles, and he couldn’t blame him. If Jonathon were in his place, he would feel the same way.

“I can’t give you what you need,” he told her, clenching his jaw, trying to hold back his emotions.

“What I need from you is your opinion on how I can change things, so we can end up together.”

“Why?” he asked.

“Why?” She blinked in succession again. “I would think you’d want this as much as I do, but you are starting to sound as if you really don’t.”

“Raven. Sweetheart,” he said, reaching out for her, but she wrapped her arms around herself and backed away. “I have nothing, and I mean nothing to offer. Don’t you see that? I am a common man who works by the sweat of my brow to get what little I have. I live a simple life, and none of that is ever going to change.”

“But you love me, don’t you?”

He wanted to tell her he did, because if he said anything else, he’d be lying. However, if he told her that, then she would never stop trying to change a future that was predetermined from the day she was born. He didn’t want her to suffer because of him. What she needed was a strong knight who would give her all she needed, while she gave the man royal heirs. Raven was a lady and supposed to live in a castle, not in a smoky, dirty forge with half a dozen barefooted, snot-nosed children. If she married him, that is what she would get.

“Your father is expecting us in the great hall. The competitors who have arrived want to meet you, and he wants you to act like a perfect hostess and lady.”

“I see,” she said, turning suddenly cold. She went over and picked up the sewing basket, sticking it under her arm.

“Your needlepoint looks nice,” he told her, trying to compliment her and make small talk. “May I see it?” He reached out for it, but she slapped his hand away, daggers shooting from her eyes now.

“Nay, you cannot. You shouldn’t be in the ladies’ solar in the first place, and you shouldn’t be touching something that isn’t yours.” She turned and ran for the door, leaving Jonathon standing there wondering if she meant the needlework... or herself.

Chapter 18