Page 14 of Trick or Heat

He looks up so I jump backward, averting my gaze. God, I am a wreck when I’m close to heat, apparently. He just caught me ogling him in my kitchen.

“I saw you had chai in the cabinet,” Casey comments as he hands me the cup, steam pouring out of it. “I didn’t know you drank chai.”

My cheeks redden. “It’s my favorite.”

It’s silent as we sip our tea. I love quiet moments with Casey; they’re usually comfortable, calm, but this time my heart is racing, and the sweat collects in my pores. I am too nervous, too antsy, and I wonder if he can tell it’s because of last night.

After a few moments, my best friend sets down his cup and turns his body toward me. “I think we should talk about last night.”

My body stills. “We don’t have to.”

“Yes, we do.”

I set down my own teacup, steeling my spine before facing him. “Thank you… for helping me. It really eased some of my discomfort. I never knew it would feel like that… I knew it was supposed to be weird, but not…”

“All-consuming?” he guesses.

I nod. “Exactly. You really came through for me last night. I’m glad I have you in my life.”

He smiles, but it doesn’t quite meet his eyes. “I wish I could continue to help you, El. If I could, if I were capable…” He pauses, looking to the floor as he shakes his head. “But I’m not an alpha. I can’t give you what you need for an entire week.”

“I know but… maybe I’ll be okay. Maybe I can get a toy? Do those knot-toys help?”

Casey shakes his head. “They’re not really satisfying. It’s like your biology knows it’s not real…”

I bite my lip, thinking. “Maybe I can just meet one alpha, then?”

“As someone who has been through a heat, multiple times… you’ll need alphas. More than one. It gets intense, and there’s not a lot of time for one alpha to recuperate. Much less one omega that doesn’t even have the right equipment…”

His jaw tenses, like he’s angry that he doesn’t have a knot, that he can’t help me. My stomach hurts seeing his frustration, like I want to reach out and comfort him.

I scoot closer, my knee now touching his. I go to put my hand on his thigh, but he speaks before I can.

“I think you should sign up for Heat Seekers.”

The sentence stops me in my tracks. “What?”

“It’s the only way you’re going to find alphas in time. And at least with Heat Seekers, you’ll be able to have some sort of control. You get to accept or deny potential packs; you get to decide. I think this is the best direction to go in.”

The thought of using that app makes my stomach twist into knots, but I can’t deny that I’m running out of time. If I had my way, Casey would be able to help me, just him and I against the world just like we’ve always been, but that’s not realistic.

It’s the whole reason why I threw away the idea of us ever being together. Two omegas, no alphas… it’s not something we can sustain long-term, and now I’m being forced to accept that fact.

Realizing it, accepting it… it still doesn’t make it hurt any less, though.

“Okay,” I agree reluctantly. “I’ll make a profile later today.”

Casey’s face doesn’t lighten though; there’s a sadness there that matches mine, like we’re both finally accepting this reality that the universe has decided for us.

“Good,” he says, nodding his head, although he can’t meet my eyes. “I’m glad. I… I just want you to have what you need.”

My heart pangs, because it’s not true. He is the only thing I have ever needed, but for this I need more, and that’s a hard pill for me to swallow.

Casey ends up ordering breakfast. There’s way too much of it, enough to feed both of us for several days, but it’s amazing as we try a variety of different pancakes and bagel sandwiches.

My personal favorite was the spiced maple bacon croissant sandwich. I’ll probably never order it again because it’s apparently seasonal, but it’s the best thing I’ve ever tasted.

Later in the afternoon, Casey says he has to head into work, but that he’ll keep his phone on if I need him. The sentiment eases a tiny bit of my anxiety, and I hug him tight before he heads out the door, his beautiful scent trailing behind him.