Page 126 of The Rogues

Waiting feels like pulling teeth. This hallway is too bright, too pristine. Ironically, it makes me feel sick to my stomach.

My phone tings, and I’m happy to see it’s in the group chat with my guys.

Cyrus: any updates?

Josie: nothing yet. I’ll let you know if there is anything.

Lennon: We’re here for you, Josie

Malaki: we love you

Remi: please let us know if you or your friends need anything

My heart swells—the kindness and thoughtfulness of my men helping ease some of the ache that’s residing there.

Nicola shows up like the chaos demon she is. Her hair is a mess and she wears has on two different socks with her Birkenstock sandals. When she sees us, she immediately erupts into a sob like she was waiting for this moment to finally fall apart.

Lark and I go to her, clutching her tightly between us until her cries are smothered by the material of our shirts.

She says a lot of stuff while crying, half of which I can’t hear clearly but some words I do make out. Mostly “Alek” and “what-if” and “addiction.” I realize this must be a wake-up call for her just as much as it is for everyone else. Her and Alek have always lived life on the edge, and I’m not sure if she wants to do that anymore after today.

Nicola is still shaking even as the sobs subside. We have her sit between us, each of our hands holding one of hers as she calms herself as much as she can. Her kiwi scent is usually so bright and fruity, but now it has a rotten edge that makes me sad for her.

This has rocked her to her core, and I hate seeing it firsthand.

“I’m s-sorry,” she says between hiccuped breaths. “I think I just realized… this could have been a reality for me, too. If it wasn’t Cleo, it would have been me. Or Alek.”

Just saying his name brings another bout of tears, her chin quivering.

“I think he’s… getting to the point of no return and I don’t know what to do. In the beginning, it was just for fun, but I think it’s turned into something else for him. It’s become a way for him to escape the stuff he doesn’t want to think about. I don’t know what to do.”

Lark rubs her shoulder. “You can tell him he needs help, and see where it leads. And if he doesn’t, you have to remove yourself from the situation before you get caught up in it further.”

She nods. “I think that’s why I’m scared. I don’t want to lose him.”

“It’s better than losing yourself.”

Those words linger around us as the silence of the hospital takes over once more. All we can hear are our shaky breaths and the occasional beeping from random nearby machines. I let go of Nicola’s hand as mine becomes too sweaty, guilt eating me from the inside out.

“This is all my fault,” I say.

Lark looks at me with stern eyes. “No. It’s not. Cleo made choices, and this was one of them. She knew we could help her, she just didn’t want that.”

“Not today.” I shake my head. “I should have never suggested we start a band. None of this would have happened if it weren’t for me.”

Nicola gasps like I just said the worst thing in the world.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” she curses at me just as a nurse walks by with a judgmental face.

“Oh fuck off, our friend just overdosed,” Lark spits at her.

The nurse has the decency to look sheepish as she frisks away.

“Josie, you can’t honestly believe that,” Nicola says. “This band is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. Sure, the past few years have been rough, but to wish it all away?”

“I don’t regret joining this band for a single minute,” Lark cuts in. “This band is my life. You three are my life. We get to do amazing things and go to amazing places. And most importantly, we get to do what we love.”

“Yeah, but Cleo—” I stop, tears pooling. “She would have never gone down this road if we weren’t in this position.”