Page 82 of Carson

“Yes,” I say, while signing the word for her to see.

“You know ASL?”

I nod, signing the word again for them both to see. “Yes.”

“When did you learn?” Dan asks.

“I guess at the same time I learned to speak. It’s just always been a part of my life,” I sign all of what I’ve said, in hopes that Lily sees what is possible. “I can teach you … and Khloe.”

Dan looks up at the house before returning his focus to his wife.

“Lily, I was that little girl. My mother couldn’t hear me, and I never once doubted that she knew me, loved me, or could take care of me.”

“Would you like to come in for some coffee?” Lily turns and asks.

Again, I sign the word yes.

Lily mimics my motion. “Yes.”

“See, you’re doing it already. I know it’s intimidating, but I can teach you. And technology has improved so much since my mom was alive. We can get through this.”

Lily and Dan smile at each other before he opens his door to get out. Their relief is obvious.

“Don’t touch that door handle,” Lily tells me. “He’ll get pissed if you don’t let him open it for you.”

“So that’s where Carson gets it from.”

Lily watches her husband round the vehicle. “You’ve made me feel a little bit better. I just want to be a good mom to all my children, but especially Khloe. She’s so young.”

“I’m glad my experience has helped.”

“She sure did a good job with you,” she says as Dan opens her door.

They say good night to their babysitter, and then we spend the next few hours sitting at their kitchen table, talking, laughing … crying.

It’s strange, it’s as if I’ve known them my entire life.

“Dan will walk you over to the cabin. Thank you again,” Lily says before hugging me tight. “I feel like I’m ready to face the world again.”

We hug a few more times before Dan and I finally make it out the back door. He chuckles as soon as the door closes behind us.

“You’re mighty lucky she let you leave at all. I’m afraid she’s attached herself to you. At least for a while.”

“I don’t mind. I can’t imagine how frightened she must be. If I can ease that in any way, I will.”

He looks at me before dropping his gaze to the path in front of us.

“You’ve already helped tremendously. She’s been more distraught than I’ve ever seen her, and I’ve seen her in some tough situations.”

“My guess is, she’ll handle this with as much grace as she’s handled most of her life,” I say, bumping my shoulder against his. “But what about you? How are you?”

He shakes his head and laughs. “I’m fucking destroyed.”

The contradiction between his words and laughter makes me pause.

I don’t really know what love looks like. I feel it for Carson, sure, but I don’t know what it means or where it will eventually lead.

“I’m not certain,” I tell him, scratching my head. “But I think I was destined to meet you.”