Page 65 of Carson

Me: So you are alive.

Cole: I think you have the wrong number.

Me: Don’t play stupid.

Cole: I am stupid. Lucky for you, you got the smart brother.

Me: You’re not stupid. You’re stubborn.

Cole: Unfortunately for you, my brother has me beat there too. He’ll never let you go.

Me: Same goes for you. He misses you, Cole.

Several dots appear as he types, but then they disappear.

The sound of Carson coming inside draws my attention to my bedroom door, waiting to see if he’ll join me tonight.

My stomach sinks when his footsteps pass, the stairs creaking as he makes his way to one of the bedrooms on the second floor.

Tears burn my eyes, and I’m blinking them away when Cole sends me a text.

Cole: That’s the best thing about him. He never gives up on the people he loves.

Me: Then why don’t you message him?

Cole: It’s called going cold turkey.

I sigh because Cole thinks he’s somehow losing his brother. He’s not, but if I stay, I suppose life will look different for him … for all of us.

“God, I just wish I knew what to do. Am I supposed to stay or go? I just don’t want to make the wrong decision.”

I set the phone down, knowing an answer is unlikely to appear out of thin air.

Maybe it will come to me in the shower.

But my shower comes and goes, uneventful.

I check my phone, looking for a message from either twin. No answer there.

I’m not even sure how all of this happened so fast. It was so quick it literally made Cole’s head spin. Mine too. Carson is the only one who seems sure about what’s happening. He’s calm and solid.

And I yearn for him all the more.

I shut the light out and crawl under the covers.

There’s a lump in my bed. Oh, it’s just my fortune cookie.

I set it on the nightstand by my phone and then settle in, sad that our trip is coming to an end.

And maybe us too. Even though it’s barely begun.

I stare at the ceiling.

My soul begs me not to let this be over.

But even it can’t explain how he could want me.

I can’t make love to him. What if I never can? What if that means the future I’ve started imagining with him isn’t possible?