Page 132 of Carson

I’m so fucking glad I called Rage and told him what happened to Luna. He came as soon as he could. They had just been here, but he was willing to come again.

I watch them hug, and when Rage becomes emotional, my dad and I step out to give them some privacy.

Luna made a big discovery tonight.

I’m glad. Even if some of that was hard for her to face. I hope she can build a relationship with Rage, because she needs her brother as much as I need mine.

The rest of us go ahead and get started with the movie. And much to my dad’s chagrin, the girls choose Frozen.

“I’ll admit that it was a good movie the first time I saw it, but it doesn’t have the same appeal a hundred times later.”

My mom playfully bats him in the stomach. “Stop.”

About fifteen minutes into the movie, Rage and Luna join us. She lowers herself beside me on the couch, and I pull her in close, wrapping my arms around her. “I’ve missed you,” I whisper into her ear.

“I’ve missed you too,” she whispers back.

“Um, hello, we’re watching a movie here. No talking.” My brother is lying on his stomach between the girls with his knees bent and feet up, just like them.

I toss the pillow behind me at his head.

It knocks the popcorn bowl over and a whole series of calamities takes place.

It ends with Cole and me getting scolded by Dad, the girls getting a fresh bowl of popcorn plus an extra bag of M&Ms, and my mom crying because she’s missed the chaos. Go figure.

Luna watches the whole thing with happy tears in her eyes. I know it’s a lot for her to take in, but someday she’ll be joining in. When she’s ready.

Later, after everyone’s gone to bed, I hear my dad get up. I climb out of bed, peeking out the door. He crosses the hall into the room Luna is staying in. I follow him silently. Maybe she needs something.

He sets a bottle of water on her nightstand, and then kisses his fingertips, pressing them to Luna’s head. He checks the lock on her window before leaving. I rush behind my door, waiting to come out until after he’s gone.

I quietly make my way down to her room. She rolls onto her back, wide awake, even though only a moment ago I thought she was sleeping.

My dad grabs my arm, holding a finger over his mouth, and he silently guides me down to the kitchen.

He pulls me all the way outside.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“I didn’t want you to wake her.”

“She’s awake.”

“I know.”

“Then what the hell do you mean you didn’t want me to wake her?”

He sits down on the bench beside the back door. “I’ve been going through the same routine every night. She needs to know she’s safe here. She’s always awake, pretending to be asleep when I go in, but I promise you that by the time we walk back up there, she’ll be sleeping like a baby.”

I lower myself beside him.

“She was scared the first couple of nights. It just about killed me, but …” Dad shakes his head, and if it wasn’t for the moonlight, I don’t know if I would have noticed there are tears in his eyes. “But I did it anyway, because goddammit she needs to know that there are fathers out there that won’t hurt their daughters.”

I swallow hard. I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen my dad quite so emotional.

“It’s so easy. I don’t understand why some men have to make it so fucking hard. All you have to do is love them and they’ll give you the world.”

We’re both quiet for a few minutes.