Page 122 of Carson

She notices our lights and waves. Even though I can’t see it, I know she smiles. She’s happy my brother is with me.

“That was a good sign,” my brother says, getting off his bike at the cabin.

Someone cleaned everything up. It smells sanitized.

The knife is even back in the block on the counter. The only thing that is different than when I left for NorCal is the box of origami sitting beside it.

Cole walks over and sifts through them. “Do you think these are the ones Rage told us he made for her?”

I stand beside him, picking up a bird. “I’m sure of it.”

Cole pours us each a Jack and Coke, and together we go through the origami.

“What if she never wants to come back here?” I ask.

“Then you find a place where she does feel comfortable,” he says, laughing at a paper frog.

“What if that’s Mom and Dad’s?”

“Then … oh, god, I see your point.”

“I love them, but I don’t want to live with them.”

Cole laughs but then quiets. “She’ll come home. I’m sure of it.”

“You’re okay with her being here?”

“Yeah, I mean it will probably take some getting used to. And I’m not sure how or if it will even work, but I’m willing to try if you are. If it doesn’t feel right, I’ll move out. You love this place more than I do, and so does she.”

We stay up all night, sitting on the porch and watching the sun rise together. Something we haven’t done in a long, long time.

“I’m going to get a little shut-eye and then I’m going to get up and go over there.”

“Wake me and I’ll go with.”

“I will.”

I’m not going to lie. I’m grateful he’s here, because I don’t know if I could do this without him. I pause, because that’s not true. I can do it without him. I just don’t fucking want to.

As soon as I’m in my room, I wish I wasn’t. Her things are here. Her clothes are hanging in the closet. Her blanket with the moon and stars is tossed haphazardly across the bed.

It hurts.

It fucking hurts that she’s not here.

And I don’t know if she’ll ever be.

Chapter Forty

Luna

Lily came home today even though I begged Dan not to tell her last night. He told me that’s not how they operate, and I understand. I just didn’t want to ruin her trip. I know she’s trying to pack as much “hearing” time in as she can. And there’s nothing better than a child’s laugh.

Khloe stayed in California with Tank, Kelsie, and their son.

The two of them have been fussing over me all day. They tried to get me down for breakfast, but I didn’t go. So they brought it up to me. I both like and hate that.

I don’t want to be a burden to them.