Page 14 of Meet Me Back Here

He says it without doubt or qualification. He’s so damn sure of me that it hurts. It’s been a long time since I’ve had that much faith in myself.

“I’ve tried almost everything I can think of,” I say with a sigh. “That’s why I’m going to Arizona early. I wrote a lot when I was there, and I’m kind of hoping inspiration will hit if I go back. Maybe I need that change of scenery again. Lori suggested it, actually.”

I don’t tell him that if I don’t figure this out, and fast, it might be the end of my writing career forever. Even without that tidbit of horrifying information, I see the tiny dip at the corners of his mouth. Maybe because it hurts to hear Arizona might be the key to fixing things. He doesn’t answer right away, and I can see his brain working. I want to say something to convince him it’s different from last time. But I can’t find the words that would explain, not without spilling my guts about how important he still is to me.

“When are you heading out?” he finally asks.

“Next week. Sunday.”

Forrest nods, still noodling through something.

“What If I went with you?” he asks.

Wait. What?

CHAPTER SIX

cool as a cucumber

Forrest looks almost as surprised by his question as I feel, so I give him a moment to take it back, just in case it slipped out on its own.

He doesn’t.

“Come with me where?” I ask slowly.

Forrest’s face scrunches with uncertainty. Maybe he is questioning his request after all.

“Arizona. Only if you want me to. I’d like to go. You don’t like to be by yourself when you’re sad, and I know this isn’t exactly sadness, but it seems hard. If I’m wrong, and you need to be alone, to get some space from me—from whatever, I completely understand.” When he says space, Forrest is leaning so far away from me I’m surprised he doesn’t fall off his chair.

“It’s not that. It’s just… you really want to come to Arizona?” I’m not sure Forrest has ever been west of the Mississippi. And now we’re going from zero to a hundred on the topic of Arizona. Not only does he want to know about it, but he wants to see it. Be there. With me?

I also kind of thought he hated it for being a part of my abandonment. Like he wanted nothing to do with the whole state or anything that drew me there. And that’s why we pretended it didn’t exist.

“No—I mean, yes, but it’s ok. I shouldn’t have pushed in.” He cuts off, and I can tell he’s fighting to figure out how to say what he’s feeling.

I see Bruno looking at me from the corner of my eye. He raises his eyebrows in a Are you going to help him? kind of way. This is what they mean when they say people from New England are kind but not nice. Bruno is about to bully me into putting Forrest out of his misery.

I hate that Forrest is so unsure of himself. That this is so fucking uncomfortable. That’s not us. At least, it shouldn’t be. I don’t want it to be.

“Forrest, no. It’s not like that, like before,” I breathe. “I don’t want to be alone. But I also don’t want you to come if it’s just because you think I want you to come. Do you really want to?”

He shrugs but straightens up so he’s no longer basically sitting in the lap of the person on his other side anymore.

“I mean, yeah,” he says, picking at the corner of the menu still before him. “I meant what I said. I hate that there’s a big part of your life I don’t know. If you’d want to show me, I want to see it. I want to know all of you again.”

He’s saying exactly what I’ve dreamed of hearing. It’s more than I could have hoped for after what I did. And it gives me hope. Maybe we can be best friends again. For real.

“What about work? What about Bridget?” I switch into logistics mode, suddenly wanting Forrest to be able to come with me very badly.

I realize I don’t know a whole lot about his job or the exams he mentioned to my parents last night. If he comes on this trip to learn about my past, maybe I’ll have a chance to learn about the years I missed for him too.

“I’d have to confirm with my supervisor, but work should be fine. We’re in a lull between projects, so I’ve mostly been studying for my test. They’ve been putting me on more flexible projects so I can focus. I can do that anywhere. And if a new project comes up this month, the early work can be done remotely. New projects start with a lot of meetings I can conference into.”

I let myself start to imagine it. Showing him the life I had in Arizona. Introducing him to the people I know there. It’s… exciting. And a little nerve wracking. If he loves it, maybe it’ll help him understand why I went. But if he hates it, it could push us apart. Maybe he’ll hate me more for leaving.

Plus, it’d be all Forrest all the time, and all me all the time for him. We haven’t been glued together like that since… well, ever. Even when we were dating, we were separated for classes. What if I annoy the shit out of him?

“Bridget won’t mind,” he adds suddenly, yanking me out of my thoughts. I doubt the truthfulness of that, but I’m too selfish to say anything about it.