Page 338 of Scarbound

I knew you needed me. I knew you were waiting for me to answer your calls, open the door, come back to you.

But desperation covered everything inside me. Depression narrowed the world until nothing existed beyond fear and guilt.

And underneath all of that was another fear I rarely admitted aloud.

Gong.

I was terrified of becoming him.

And you were too precious to risk.

So I did the only thing I thought could protect you.

I stayed away.

But please believe me when I tell you this: it was never because I stopped loving you.

Never.

Some nights, thinking of you was the only thing that kept the room quiet.

I would remember you as a little boy following me everywhere. You stealing food from my plate even though yours had exactly the same thing. You asking me to look at another drawing when you had already shown me twenty. You falling asleep beside me while I studied. You getting angry whenever I treated you like a child, then coming to me five minutes later because you needed something.

You were never a burden to me, Woo.

You were one of the reasons I survived.

So, I need you to do something for me.

Live your life.

Please.

Don’t count the months until I come home. Don’t worry every time I don’t answer immediately. Don’t make your happiness dependent on whether your hyung is having a good day or a bad one.

Go to university. Paint. Fall in love. Make friends. Travel. Make stupid decisions sometimes, although preferably not too stupid, because I’m still allowed to lecture you.

Be eighteen. Be young.

I still need time away, but I will come home, Woo. I just don’t know when yet.

Do you remember that new PS5 game we talked about?

Don’t you dare finish it without me.

We’ll play it together when I come home. Just like we used to.

Saranghae, Woo.

More than I have ever been good at saying.

Jal jinae.

Your hyung,

Noeul

P.S. I want you to have this painting.