Page 306 of Scarbound

Dr. Kim nodded slowly.

“And you told her my risk was higher.”

“I told her that having an identical twin with a serious psychiatric illness could increase your vulnerability. I also explained that increased risk does not mean certainty.”

“I know.” A faint, humorless smile touched Noeul’s mouth. “But I don’t think I heard that part.”

Dr. Kim remained quiet.

“I was terrified, Doctor. Gong was sitting right there. Mom was crying. Appa barely believed there was anything wrong with him, and suddenly I was hearing that maybe one day…” He stopped.

“That you might become ill too?”

Noeul nodded. “I think something changed in me that day. I started waiting for it.”

“Waiting for what?”

“For Gong to appear inside me.”

Dr. Kim leaned forward slightly. “Noeul, vulnerability is not destiny. And Gong’s illness is not Gong himself. Just as experiencing depression, anger, dissociation, or thoughts that frighten you does not make you your brother.”

Noeul stared at her. “But after that day, I started watching myself.”

“For symptoms?”

“Yes.”

“Mood changes?”

“Yes.”

“Anger?”

“Yes.”

“Thoughts you didn’t like?”

“All the time.” His expression tightened. “Every bad thought became evidence.”

“Evidence of what?”

“That I was becoming him.”

“You keep treating two fears as though they’re one.”

“What two fears?”

“Developing Gong’s illness and becoming someone who hurts people.”

Noeul stared at her.

“They are not the same outcome.”

“What do you mean?”

“It means one is a fear about your mind. The other is a fear about your character.”

Noeul’s expression tightened.