Page 151 of Scarbound

Kija didn’t answer.

“Is it love when you want to be near someone all the time? When you think of them from morning to night?” Chung-Hee continued. “Is it love when you can’t stand other people touching them, talking to them, admiring them? When someone looks at them the way you looked at Noeul tonight and you feel like tearing that person away from them?”

Kija’s expression tightened, but he let him continue.

“Is it love when you want to be everything to them? When you want to be the center of their world because the thought of them building a life that doesn’t include you makes you feel physically sick?” His voice dropped. “Because that’s what I feel for Noeul.”

Kija studied him. “That doesn’t sound like only love, Hee.”

Chung-Hee’s eyes lifted. “What does that mean?”

“It means wanting someone close to you is not the same as needing control over them.”

For a moment, irritation flashed across Chung-Hee’s face. Then it disappeared. His hand moved unconsciously to the bracelet around his left wrist. He touched it almost nervously, then closed his eyes for a few seconds, as though trying to steady himself.

“I can’t bear that he looks exactly like his brother,” he admitted. “Sometimes I look at him and I see Noeul. Sometimes I see Gong. I know they aren’t the same person, but they have the same face. The same blood.” His voice cracked. “And then I remember Haneul.”

Kija remained still.

“I hate the guilt I carry for wanting him,” Chung-Hee continued. “Why is he still alive while my brother is dead? Why didn’t he stand beside Haneul when he needed him? Why didn’t he stop what was happening?”

The last question came out almost like a plea. Kija had never heard Chung-Hee speak with such depth or raw honesty. The man sitting before him barely resembled the composed, disciplined friend he had known for years.

“So…” Kija began carefully. “You love him and hate him at the same time?”

Chung-Hee looked away.

“Are you sure you hate him?”

“I don’t hate him.”

The answer came immediately. That seemed to surprise even Chung-Hee.

He lowered his gaze. “I hate what happened. I hate his brother. I hate how Noeul reacted to my brother’s abuse. I hate that he didn’t protect Haneul.” His fingers tightened around the bracelet. “And it enrages me that I can’t hate him.”

Kija said nothing.

“To be honest…” Chung-Hee whispered, “I’m not even sure what I feel anymore.”

Before Kija could answer, the apartment door opened.

Jun’s furious voice tore through the silence. “Come here, you asshole!”

Chung-Hee barely had time to turn before Jun crossed the room and punched him.

“Are you satisfied now?” he shouted. “Was he wrong again? Was whatever he did so unforgivable that you had to humiliate him one more time?”

Kija grabbed Jun before he could strike him again and pulled him back. “Jun! Stop!”

Jun struggled against him for a moment before wrenching himself free.

Kija turned toward Chung-Hee, confusion replacing shock. “One more time? What does Jun mean by that?”

Jun paced the room, his jaw clenched so tightly it looked ready to shatter. Opposite him, Chung-Hee stood motionless, his face flushed with rage.

“Oh.” Jun laughed bitterly. “Were you too ashamed to share your little secret with our friend?”

“Shut up,” Chung-Hee snapped.