Page 129 of Scarbound

This wasn’t punishment.

It was control.

Across from him, Chung-Hee seemed to be fighting the same realization. He had spent two days convincing himself Noeul was innocent, yet innocence had not made the jealousy disappear. The truth was uglier. It didn’t matter whether Noeul had done anything wrong. Chung-Hee simply couldn’t bear the idea of someone else wanting him.

Chung-Hee’s voice changed, turning intimate in a way that made Noeul’s stomach drop.

“Get on your knees.”

Noeul understood what was coming before Chung-Hee acted.

“Hyung, no!”

Chung-Hee grabbed him by the hair and forced him onto his knees. He unzipped his trousers and forced himself into Noeul’s mouth.

Noeul struggled, but Chung-Hee held him firmly in place. Panic tightened his chest, and his thoughts scattered, searching desperately for somewhere else to go. Cruelly, memories came.

Before Haneul’s death, Noeul had wanted this man. He had imagined being held by him, kissing him, touching him, making him happy. Back then, the thought had been warm, private, almost innocent.

How had something he once wanted so desperately become this?

Chung-Hee ordered him to continue.

Noeul closed his eyes. Every command became something to survive. His body was there, trapped beneath Chung-Hee’s control, but his mind searched for a place untouched by him.

Ji-Woo talking excitedly about his university portfolio. Mr. Choi preparing coffee in the kitchen. Duri laughing at him.

Anything.

Anywhere but here.

“Yes, baby, that’s it!”

Noeul flinched.

Once, he had imagined that word whispered with affection. Now it made his stomach churn.

“Good. Just like that.”

Tears streaked silently down Noeul’s face. He dug his nails into his palms, concentrating on the pain, trying to hold on to something that still belonged to him. And beneath the panic, another thought surfaced.

Kija spoke to me.

That was all.

He had admired his work. Talked about art. Agreed to lessons.

He hadn’t betrayed anyone.

He hadn’t done anything wrong.

I did nothing wrong.

The thought frightened him almost as much as it relieved him.

When the ordeal finally ended, Chung-Hee released him. Noeul remained on his knees. For several seconds, he couldn’t move. The office was silent except for his ragged breathing. He stared at the floor, waiting for his body to belong to him again.

Something inside him felt different. Not broken. He had felt broken too many times for the word to mean anything anymore. This was emptier, as though something inside him had simply switched off.